Lies of the Sun

People have always told me 
That the sun is always above the clouds
And I squint to look
But I just see gray unforgiving clouds.

When I was younger,
I used to imagine that the sun was the rain.
It would drip like an overripe orange
And send liquid drops of light to dash across people's faces.
I imagined that the sun never left 
Just took on different forms.

But now that I'm older,
I know that the sun leaves.
The sun leaves when you're cold and vulnerable
When you're fighting against a tide
That keeps dragging you in and spitting you out.
When you tell the world your secrets 
And it laughs in your face.
When you're reaching for a person
Like a life preserver in a tsunami
But they keep twisting away 
In a wash of sea spray
Until you're choking on your own breath.

Don't try and convince me that the sun is always there.
It isn't.
You're just trying to make yourself feel safer.
Is it working?
Sure,
Until one day you see the truth 
And it blinds you more than any sunlight.