Limerence (part one)

Limerence:
A strong infatuation with the desire for reciprocation of one’s feelings.

Tuesday 2:35 pm
Today was the first time I noticed how your eyes changed color,
Ever so slightly, when the sun shone into them.
You squint those hazel eyes towards me
And I feel something I thought I wouldn’t feel again.

You told me you liked science class today,
Is it because of me?
Or is it because you get to play football when you finish your work?
Do you notice that I sat next to you today?
Or when I ignored my friends, just because you were talking to me?

Wednesday 11:01 am
You are suddenly very interested in talking to your old friend
Who so happens to have a locker close to mine.
Was it all a coincidence?
Is this all just a small joke the universe is telling me?

Your hair is always so perfect.
God, when did you become so important?
How did your smile become all I talked about at lunch?
Did you notice when I stood by your table longer, when I heated up my food?

Thursday 9:03 am
You looked at me differently today.
I couldn't help but feel nervous; my stomach was doing flips.
Your smile made me want to cry and laugh and feel your arms around me, all at once 
I felt so warm and happy, but so scared

Math class hit different when you touched my hand, helping me answer a difficult question
I couldn't stop touching that one spot.
I kept the pencil you used. I still have it.
Do you get it yet?

Friday 6:43 pm
I am crying again,
Scared this will happen more often.
You didn't talk to me today.
Don't you see how much this hurts me?

I type furiously to my friends, 
Do you talk to your friends about me?
I’m starting to doubt you do.
You brushed past me, but did it affect you like it affected me?

Saturday 11:11 pm
I woke up today, and you had crossed my mind.
I smiled then, but now I'm wondering why I thought of you.
I'm almost angry with myself
How could I let this happen?

I heard your favorite song on the radio today.
I knew all the lyrics,
And I thought of you, clearly.
Do you think of me?

Sunday 4:12 pm
I saw you sitting in the front of your dad's rusty blue van
I was on my way to the grocery store with my mom, 
And I looked up at the stoplight for a second, just in time to catch a glimpse.
I'm so glad I did.

I see you every time I see that intersection now.
I look for that van everywhere now,
I wonder if you'd look for me too.
Do you look for me too?

Monday 3:41 pm
Isn't it crazy that we both like the same band?
You talk like the band leader. I think I like that.
We stop talking as soon as the football was thrown your way
You immediately ran away, yelling and cheering.

I can’t help but smile as you look at me,
When I have the football, you always run far,
You know, you believe, I can throw it that far,
You tap your head, telling me to throw it to you in the way I've always found funny.

Tuesday 12:23
It’s been a month since I started to like you,
A month of uncertainty,
A month of obsession, I don’t want it to end.
You seem distant,
As though talking to me is betraying someone else.

I try to talk to you, and I fail each time.
Maybe you just wanted to play football in science all along.
“I’m sorry,” My heart screams out.
I’m sorry for whatever I did wrong.

Wednesday 3:53 am
I can't sleep
I can't think
I can't breathe
What are you doing to me?

I try to be everything for you,
I changed everything
And it still wasn't enough.
Why am I not enough?

Thursday 4:29 am
I realize why you never remembered anything about me.
It's because you never even cared.
Charlotte? I should’ve known all along.
She gave you her bracelet yesterday.
I thought she was just being nice.

Your best friend told me after math.
You sat so far away from me,
Almost like I was the plague.
What did I do to deserve this?

Friday 10:30 pm
I. Can't. breathe.
Tears stain my pillows.
Oh, I wish I were her.
She gets the person I begged for.

All I wanted was a chance. 
I should've seen this coming.
Please
One. Last. Chance.

Capitulate:
To surrender, admit defeat.