Limerence (part two)

Capitulate:

To surrender, admit defeat.

Monday 10:38 am

You finally talk to me after two months. 

We sit in science class, and you refuse to play football with your friends,

To talk to me. 

You open a wound that was barely healing.

Right before I almost forgot everything about you,

You walked me to my locker and held the door to my locker.

Even though it really didn't need holding.

Tuesday 4:53 pm

I thought Charlotte was your whole world.

I heard you kissed her at the homecoming football game.

It hurt, but I should be happy for you,

Even though I wanted it to be me.

Something has changed with you. 

You actually text me first now

You tell me that Charlotte won’t know.

Wednesday 2:00

I can’t help but feel a little guilty

For almost being closer to you than your own girlfriend.

I tell myself that you can’t help who you hang out with,

I tell myself this is all okay.

You start to touch my arm in class, and I practically melt.

Your friend jokingly asks if we’re dating,

You look away, you don't respond.

Thursday 11:39 pm

We called until you fell asleep tonight,

And now I sit here, staring at the screen,

Wondering what I did to deserve you, to get you back.

I'm so glad you chose to come back.

You made me giggle on the call,

All because you told me a stupid calculus joke.

You smiled when I laughed. I melted again.

Friday 7:04 am

You texted me good morning today.

Asked me if we could hang out,

Maybe, I told you.

You don't know that I changed all my plans just to make it work

You tell me that we will sneak away from the football game.

We will go get junk food and slurpees from the gas station.

I've never been more excited.

Saturday 9:42 am

You called me seven times,

Asking if I wanted to come watch your little brother play soccer,

You said it would be fun, that your brother wants me there.

Does he, or do you?

I say yes.

I'm excited,

You tell me to hurry, it's going to start soon.

Sunday 12:53

I can’t remember a single minute when I'm not thinking about you.

I started to secretly text you under the dinner table,

I never want you to leave me. 
I know we are just friends, but it wasn’t a coincidence that you called me pretty last night.

I  start to forget that you are dating Charlotte.

We talk about what we want in a relationship, but you don’t seem to bring her up anymore.

I'm guilty, scared I might ruin it for her.

Monday 1:12

You're sitting with me at lunch,

You gave me your bread roll.

I know how much you like the bread rolls,

It's kind of silly, but it means a lot.

You rode my bus today,

You stopped riding it a while ago, now you're back

But you say it's more convenient. I like it.

Tuesday 6:07 pm

You send me texts all the time now.

Little things, like a song that made you think of me,

Or pictures of me and the sunset.

I can't believe you like me…

You made a playlist for me.

It has all of our favorite songs.

The first one is "Brown Eyed Girl." 

Wednesday 7:31 pm

You never told me that you liked me,

But the way you wrote a heart by my name

Told me everything I needed to know.

Everyone tells me they can tell just by the way you look at me.

You tell me I’m absolutely perfect at lunch.

I try to ignore the urges to kiss you right then and there.

I think Charlotte notices how distant you’ve been.

Thursday 9:23 am

You smile at me.

I'm talking, making plans for this weekend.

You brush a strand of hair out of my eyes,

Then I feel it. Your soft grasp on my face, your lips touch mine.

Time freezes, and everything finally feels perfect.

All this time I spent daydreaming

It's actually happening…

Friday 7:53 am

I don’t realize what I’ve truly done to you until today.
Charlotte comes to school, crying. You hold her tight in your arms.

She’s your girlfriend, not me

Did you mean all those things you said to me?

You stare at me with empty eyes, like it was my fault.

You were the one who kissed me first, after all.

It’s fine, I’ll take the blame. As long as you’re happy.

Saturday 10:45

I wake up, grasping tightly to my pillow, and check my phone,

Nothing. You haven’t texted in two months.

It was all a dream.

We were never going to work.

I feel a tear slip down my cheek.

My chest heaves. Why? I can't breathe.

It was all too real.

Anguish:

A state of great suffering of the body and mind.