Missing you (an ode to California)

Sometimes I find myself 
California Dreamin’.

I wish I would stop 
because 
it doesn’t do me any good to dwell on the past. 

I can’t keep reliving the summer sun or the lily skies, or the soccer fields that seemed to stretch on for miles. 

The times my sister and I threw rocks at each other, 
laughing maniacally 
crouched under a tree. 

Watching the neighborhood turn blue 
as the sun sets. 

Riding no hands 
to the library. 
Up and 
down tunnels and avenues past the Safeway and the new condos that nobody liked. 

Licking frozen yogurt off my lips as we strolled downtown. 

The university students that used to crowd every pub and burger joint. Taking up space with their fast cars and fast attitudes.

Swinging silly from trees, 
carving my name so they would never forget me. 

Turning forests into forts that housed our imagination. 
Trails that had no end or beginning, 
only our hearts to lead the way. 

The mountains greeting me from the east 
and the hills waving from the west. 

Some sort of fever dream childhood.  
where memories fly on open wings.

Where does all the love go? 

I’ve stored it in my heart 
but it’s burning my insides, 
smoking me out. 

How do I say goodbye to the state that turned me golden? 

To my first love that kissed me with its deep blue skies?