My Queen’s Gambit

For most of my life, I’ve felt like I was trapped in a real-life mega game of chess. Everyone around me moved strategically, collecting AP classes hoping to reach the royal ranks, stacking extracurriculars aiming to knock down other pawns, trading sleep for higher scores. It felt like we were all racing around the board, hoping we wouldn’t land on failure, trying not to fall behind or get our pieces taken away from us. We snuck around stealing from each other, aiming to be the best players. But unlike the game, this wasn’t fun. There were no breaks, no second chances, and no chance at restarting when our queen gets stolen or our king gets checkmated. 

I was told that success requires being above average, but in my world, taking 16 AP classes was considered below average. Attending the flagship state school was frowned upon and seen as the safe option, my biggest nightmare. Being “average” meant being a straight-A student with a 1590 while balancing extracurriculars, a standard I’ll never achieve. I believed that if I wasn’t stressed, I wasn’t working hard enough. Taking the “out-of-the-box” path was seen as a recipe for failure and a sign of inadequacy.

This mentality was deeply ingrained in me because it was all I knew. I never understood why people didn’t pour their hearts into school. For me, the only goal was to be “above average” and avoid being looked down upon. So, I chose the “regular” path, the path everyone “should” take to succeed. This path led me to take the most arduous classes, not the ones I genuinely wanted to take. It emphasized STEM as the only option, disregarding the fact that STEM is everywhere. I saw others thriving on this path, taking AP Calculus BC as early as possible and Computer Science, while simultaneously winning national competitions or securing prestigious opportunities.

For a while, I managed to balance these demanding classes, but deep down, I knew they weren’t for me. I could get the grades and make it through, but being in an environment where mistakes were viewed as punishments rather than growth opportunities made me question my abilities. I felt like my hard-earned 85s were insignificant compared to the effortless 100s of my peers. I felt like a failure. I was told I was inadequate by the teachers who were supposed to teach me how to achieve excellence.

In my heart, I knew I wasn’t meant for a life where I solely focused on grades or who could memorize formulas the best and regurgitate them on tests. Then, life shook me and changed my perspective entirely.

I lost someone I deeply loved to cancer, followed by another person to the same fate. Witnessing cancer claim those I cherished made me realize how ephemeral life truly is. I transformed into a shadow of my former self. A once cheerful and carefree girl became a somber soul. Gradually, I began to question my life, my choices, and I came to terms with the brevity of my existence. I realized I had to live my life to the fullest, honoring the memory of those who lost their lives while I still had mine.

I endured days of emotional turmoil, and my grades reflected the pain I was going through. I developed a chronic illness that made it nearly impossible to stand, let alone pour my heart into school. I spent most of my days in bed, struggling to get up, and began to appreciate the beauty of life. It wasn’t until it finally hit me that the pursuit of success was futile. Throughout my youth, I was consumed by the idea of achieving success. But following the losses, I realized just how crucial it is to remember that grades, earnings, and the classes we take don’t truly matter if we’re not happy. It doesn’t matter what college you go to if you aren’t satisfied with your life there.

We live on a beautiful, floating rock filled with love, life, and beauty. So, who cares about what others think?

Think about it. It’s perfectly okay to desire a slower pace of life. A life centered around your passions, where you dedicate time to activities that bring you joy. We are so focused on achieving success we live a life that often lacks significant nature and beauty. When one focuses on chasing a perfect high school transcript, the more prestigious university, and then the highest paying job, we get lost and don’t take a moment to look at the world around us. Life is constantly fleeting, and it is too short to solely focus on climbing the corporate ladder. A simple walk lets us see the beauty of nature and how insignificant things truly are. We are blessed with beautiful beaches and glaciers. We have mountains and booming cities filled with people.

Losing loved ones and facing genuine struggles made me realize that academic grades hold little value compared to your overall existence. Many successful individuals were C students, and a letter grade can never quantify the worth of your contributions. The experiences, knowledge, and unique perspective you possess as an individual can propel you to your desired destinations. This realization illuminated the true meaning of being a “personality hire.” I stopped caring about others, and that’s when I noticed a change.

I enrolled in classes that genuinely interested me and attended a college that offered them, disregarding the limitations of being a high school student. Studying philosophy, sociology, and public speaking at college helped me discover my passions. I found joy in writing, thinking, being creative, and inventive, and I was finally able to embrace learning with enthusiasm. I felt like a child again, viewing knowledge as a blessing rather than a burden. I became happy again.

Finally, I relished learning and rediscovered my spark. I began to invest time into hobbies that fueled my desire to create, from sewing, painting, and inventing, I finally had the time to gain world experience beyond the lines of a textbook. The experience I gained from talking to my local barista or tenured professors will forever hold more value than the hours I spent trying to cram knowledge from a textbook into the crevices of my brain.

I felt like I had escaped the monotony of the rat race, while my peers diligently pursued classes that made them seem the smartest in the room. Instead, I focused on the subjects that brought me joy and filled the remaining classes with subjects I genuinely wanted to learn. I let go of whether others viewed me as capable and intelligent and instead focused on doing things that made me feel adequate and fulfilled my sense of accomplishment.

The moment I abandoned the notion that college was the sole determinant of my life, my beliefs, or the opinions of others, I genuinely began to enjoy learning. Therefore, for those of you trapped in the rat race, you are more than the classes you take or the grades you obtain. There’s no right or wrong subject, and you can achieve anything you set your mind to if you have perseverance and passion. Comfort can stifle creativity, and by choosing the “right” option, you limit yourself to a single path.

Take my story as a sign to venture off the beaten track. If you feel stuck, don’t let yourself remain stuck. Take action. Life is fleeting, so don’t be afraid to take a leap of faith. Just because something hasn’t been done before doesn’t necessarily mean it’s an incorrect choice. Failure can be a catalyst for growth, not weakness.

I remember being scared, constantly doubting my abilities and intelligence. But I always reminded myself that intelligence is subjective and there’s never a single right option. I didn’t know what would happen to my life or college journey, but seeing the people who focused solely on school and maintained perfect report cards, it seemed like they were the picture-perfect option. They were living A+’s.

However, I knew that I always felt happy to learn. Taking classes like criminal justice and gaining experience from my internships and experiences helped me develop my knowledge beyond just piling on AP-level classes and extracurriculars mindlessly. This approach allowed me to grow and acquire new skills and experiences I needed to thrive.

It helped me write college essays that showcased my personality and interests, such as makeup, nails, and Trader Joe’s, and connected them to complex subjects like human psychology and marketing. This mindset allowed me to write about subjects like calculus with a philosophical approach, bringing in my ability to think beyond the equations.

By letting go of my sole focus on academia and chasing perfect grades, I was able to get into a college even better than the ones I was dreaming of. Everything turned out better than perfect, and I was glad that my passion helped me open more doors I didn’t even think of.

I’m excited to create change and inspire others to stop focusing on the rat race and instead on crafting their path. I look forward to the next four years at UC Berkeley, where I can develop my passions and relearn subjects I felt forced to learn and love them in a new light. I cherish academia and cannot wait to grow my knowledge even more while also growing beyond the book.

To those of you reading, take this as your sign once again to do it. You will always be more than a transcript or resume. Believe in yourself and your abilities, and know the only person you need to prove right is yourself. By making your own choices and taking the steps to create your success, you set yourself up for a future better than you can imagine.

So break out of the rat race — or the chessboard — and you’ll immediately become the winner of your own game.

You can do it.