not prescribed

live in the moment

i'm trying so hard to look 

   at you

and not to think of the possibilities i know

   i can't have,

all the things you rejected the moment

                           you said

i want to marry a man.

appreciate the things around you

i'm trying so hard nowadays just not

    to shut down when you speak 

because you might remind me

                        of when you said 

no

      no

             no.

the best medicine is

               laughter

                                  exercise

                                                    living in the goddamn 

                                                                            moment...

but all i see ahead is darkness surrounding

everything, everything, 

until she takes me away from you

      and everything good in this world.

happiness is...

             nothing.

it's nothing to me

not when i can't have you

     and instead i'm crying in the bed we made

                                                        when i should

live in the moment.