that one tiktok song

i wanted to be a writer

collected words to form my thoughts

                              to dictate what i felt but couldn't say

bought pens with saved-up quarters &

relished in the ink that stained my fingertips

mark of my suffering, product of my art

read stories to family members

amassed certifications for the worlds in my head

i wanted to be a writer

i wanted so much.

i wanted to be a musician

collected notes to form a symphony

                            to create a melody the world could understand

bought my first trumpet at nine

relished in my bruised lips & aching fingers

mark of my suffering, product of my art

read sheet music until i could speak in chords

amassed scores i practiced, performed, repeat

i wanted to be a musician

i wanted so much.

i wanted to be happy

collected emotions to form my personality

                                   to shape my understanding of the world

bought my first poetry notebook at eleven

relished in the tears that stained my wrists & thighs

mark of my suffering, product of my art

read books until i forgot how to understand English

amassed medications looking for my personal cure

i want to be happy

i want it so much.