pain

i’ve seen my friends in so much pain because of a relationship

so i don’t know how i could ever escape the heartbreak

the heartbreak of losing friends again

of being forced away because nothing works

the pain in knowing that it’s my fault they left

my fault they were wrapped up in it all

the guilt i put on their shoulders that they shrugged off onto mine

i’m sorry for saying sorry so god damn much

and i'm sorry for being a b*tch

i thought i left that one in the past

i thought i left being an a$$hole in the past because i left my best friend behind because she was too awkward

and didn’t fit in

i now know i never did either

no one i was truly friends with still talk to me

they all stopped talking the second the year started

because who wants an awkward smart ass in their life who doesn’t know the difference between sharing and bragging

i used to do that all the time

i used to just give out my test results

and it took them forever to pry my illustrated graph results out of my palm

they all got an A-

and what did little-miss-goody-two-shoes get?

she got an A+ 

and not a 30/30 A+ as you might be thinking

no 

she got 33/30

now how did she manage that?

maybe because she cares

but now that they know that the teacher asked for it back they’re forever jealous

being a straight A student is oh so much fun

no pressure at all

no hidden pain

no rushing

no free time

because it’s all 

work 

work 

work

because i had to take some sort of music

i got here because i was talking about pain huh

that’s so silly

guess that means everything is pain

beauty isn’t pain

oh no

it’s life

life is pain