Phantom Pain

Phantom Pain

I remember when we first met.

Terror laced in our spines,

 being introduced to the team.

We thought we were alone,

 but we were alone together.

Side by side,

 our fated connection deepened.

You became the only friend

 I never had to explain myself to.

And there I knew,

 you’d be the greatest one.

I used to chase friendship,

 like a child chasing fireflies,

 grasping a light that never stayed.

I used to let others

 etch their voices into my skin—

 the permanent swirls tattooed on my body.

But now,

 I speak with a voice

 I found through you.

You taught me how to be

 loud in my quiet,

 brave in my fear,

 whole in my breaking.

You taught me how to be myself,

 in a way no one else ever could.

And then

 one evening,

 my parents sat me down.

My nerves flared like struck matches,

 spitting and sparking in the dark.

 my heartbeat a war drum

 pounding beneath my ribs.

You were leaving.

Gone.

My chest caved in,

 the grip on my core

 squeezed too tightly.

Breath slipped away,

 cold and hollow,

 like a fading echo.

And in that moment,

 I was shattered.

A skeleton of the girl I was

 when you were always by my side.

No more secret chatter.

No more having you

 a hair away.

No more being able to call you

 and whisper, I need you.

Now you’re the one that needs

 my heart and comfort,

 but I have no

 heart left to give.

Every fleeting day we had,

 I felt the countdown

 carving itself beneath our smiles.

Still, I wore my costume of courage,

 so you could believe

 that everything would be okay.

I know there will be others,

 but there will never be you.

Never your easy laugh.

Your arms that stitched me

 back together,

 thread by thread,

 mending the darkness within.

Your words—

 the kind that made me believe

 I was worth something.

You met me in the dark.

Now you leave me there again,

 discarded in its cold,

 without your warmth

 to call me home.

You once promised

 you’d always be there.

To others,

 “I promise” might seem small,

 but to me,

 it was everything—

 and the realization

 that you were gone.

I watched every emotion

 cross your face like

 volatile weather.

You never knew that.

You never saw

 how deeply I understood you.

Your piece in my heart is gone,

 and it will never return.

The pain of your leaving—

 a wound that time won't heal.

Others will forget

 the time you spent here.

Your glowing presence,

 dimmed by passing years.

But you will always remain

 a phantom pain in my fingertips,

 aching to hold your hand

 once more.

One day,

 in a long-forgotten attic,

 I’ll find a stuffed bunny,

 its fur worn to threads,

 and memory will pull me back

 to who I was

 when you were still here.