Sighs

I sigh for you when you look away
As if I wasn’t the one who set a fire to my mouth
In case you turned to kiss me- 
As if I wasn’t the one who offered to be your creation
Or to be your equal 
Or to be anything you needed me to be,
As long as it wasn’t in love, not with you-
For I am not the man who created my idea of self worth,
But a creature stuck between him and myself
Hinged on anything in place of what you offer

I sigh for the things that you enjoy 
As if I wasn’t the one who denied them for myself 
In case I fell for them like you did for me-
As if I wasn’t the one who spoke poison of the things you love 
Not from my own hate
But from the hate of another man,
Who holds his power through my guilt-
For I am not the man who created my idea of love,
But a loving man all the same
Even if all I can do is care for you 

I sigh for this
As if it were my own secrets,
And I sipped from the sight of your smile
Like it was a pill to dissolve under my tongue,
And I would still sigh for this
If I was counting my breaths until death, 
If I couldn't count on you to breathe for me when they've run out
Like how I breathed for her 

I owe you this 
As if you saved my own life,
Instead of saving one that was unrightfully given to me
Like they can be tossed away,
And I would still owe you this 
If you pulled apart the atoms in my body,
If you took my words and hated me for it
Like it was anyone but him speaking 

I fall quietly for you like you did
As if I wasn't the one who helped you up 
To my level instead of his- 
As if I wasn't the one who asked if you were the divine
Not from my own faith
But from the absence of it,
And the thought that you too would leave-
For I am not the man who created my idea of god,
But a godless man in any form 
To anything but another like me 

But still, between thoughts
Between nightmares
Between fantasy and reality
Between looks,
I sigh for you