Silent Cry

I stare down at my hands.

They seem so distant.

Nothing is real 

In this current moment.

How could anything be?

I'm slipping…

I’ve felt this terrible thing before,

But oh gosh,

I don’t want to feel it again.

I can feel everyone’s eyes on me.

My back is towards them,

But I can tell that they are

Silently judging .

I can’t do this.

I just can’t.

I bite the inside of my cheek.

Surely, enforcing more pain 

On myself should help mend

My swarming thoughts.

I can’t cry.

Not in front of them.

But, I’m slipping…

My mind spins out of control.

I’ve lost my dominance over my own

Head.

Without warning, my vision blurs.

A lump forms in my throat.

I can’t swallow.

It burns.

Finally, I spin around.

Exposing myself.

Letting them know

That I have broken.

No one speaks,

No one seems to care.

This fact is what hurts me 

The most.

I don’t resist anymore,

Letting the tear form.

I don’t bother to wipe it away.

Instead, I watch as it falls to the ground.

A tiny dot that is barely visible on the carpet.

I look up.

No one sees.

Everyone acts normal.

And then the chatting starts again.

I’m invisible to the crowd.

My silent cry stays quiet.