thought from the ill version of me

10:32

i have a cold and i should be asleep.

but i wonder if anyone notices the way that

each stanza in my poems

have to be the exact same number of lines.

10:34

i wonder if anyone notices that 

amelia has a much happier style of writing then me

we share this account, and i doubt anyone notices the difference

which scares me, because what if i am only a copy of the people i love?

10:35

each poem of mine has a similar theme,

sad, love, loss, grief

and i feel all of these emotions when i think

"what if i won't ever be able to write something that doesn't feel sad?"

10:36

writers block,

yet again

but i'm still writing,

so how does that make any sense?

10:37

everyone tells me my poems make them cry

but what if they are lying to me

because my poems are always so similar

and i can't shake the feeling that it's all fake

10:38

what if i could be a little happier?

because all my stories and poems end so sadly

and if it makes people cry,

i am making them sad, so what if i could make someone smile?

10:39

but what if i could just be relatable?

for the people out there who feel useless and boring

unloved and reused

what if they are crying because these "boring" words helped them open up?

10:40

what if i seriously helped someone?

that would make all of this worth so much more.

because i wish someone would've written these words

just so i would feel less alone.