untitled again (sorry)

is it worth it
is the pain you hold close to your heart
worth the happiness you get from me
and yet
i'm the one causing the pain.
is it worth it
checking my playlist captions again and again
tolerating everything i throw at you
surrounding yourself with me
because you don't have anyone else
i am not your goddamn therapist
i need to take care myself 
without needing to worry about you as well
i love you 
so much 
not in the way i used to though
and i know you love and care about me
i know you do
i see you 
in the way so few people do
if i could
i would create a transparent bubble around you
letting only love in 
blocking all hate out 
because you don't deserve to be hurt
ever
but i dont know what i need
i dont know what i want
not knowing 
is the scariest thing i've felt recently. 
i dont want to let you go 
i dont want to lose you 

are you scared of losing me?
but will 
           it 
             be 
                better
for both of us?