Untitled (for now)

The sisters sat at the front of their English class. Aulina sat surrounded by her friends, giggling and whispering. But she always shut up when the teacher asked. An honour roll student and people pleaser, it was almost as if she was scared of their teacher. If you looked closely at Aulina, she seemed somewhat uncomfortable at the front. However, no one ever really saw her. Distracted by her charm and smile, no one saw how she perched on the edge of her seat as if ready to run. No one saw how her fingers tapped on her thigh or how she twisted her hair nervously. No one saw her gnaw on her lip or pick at her cuticles. Her sister Yang, to her right, was uneasy in the first row of desks. Unlike her sister, she was never noticed because no one cared. No one saw how her fists clenched every time her teacher opened his mouth or how her leg bounced constantly. There was a reason no one spared Yang a glance. She tried to hide. Her sister never shied from the spotlight, she drew everyone’s attention with bright colours, artful makeup, carefully styled hair, and revealing stylish clothing, Yang hid in hoodies and dark colours. Aulina always sat tall and smiled, making sure eyes were on her, and impressed at that. Yang slumped in her seat, and if eyes ever met hers, she glared until they glanced uncomfortably away. When scars first appeared all over Yang’s body, her classmates tended to glance over curiously, wondering what had happened to the funny, friendly childhood Yang. Yang, however, was not the most passive or polite person now. After too many glances and questions, she broke down in class and delivered a few loud, choice words to her classmates. Then she ran sobbing and hyperventilating into the hall. She missed the next three days of school, and when she returned, there were no more comments on her body. This explosion happened in English class, the same class the sisters were in. Yang was pulled into the classroom during lunch to talk to her teacher. Everyone whispered throughout the cafeteria, sure that she was in big trouble. The whispers ceased once Aulina walked in, of course. Everyone wanted to impress her, and bad-mouthing her sister, whom she had made very clear was her reason for living, was not the way to do it. However, if anyone had known what happened in the English teacher’s classroom after he walked Yang out of the lunchroom, there would have been different reactions during that lunch period and more comments to Aulina. 

Aulina and Yang walked home together at the end of the day. Aulina and Yang always stayed after school together. They (well, Aulina) told everyone that Yang had tutoring and Aulina liked to stay and wait for her. But things happened in their teacher’s classroom other than tutoring. When they arrived they went straight to Aulina’s room as usual. Their topic of conversation tended to veer from people at school to darker parts of their lives. If one were to overhear Aulina and Yang’s after school discussions they might hear angry whispers revolving around someone only referred to as “The Monster.” If their mom was ever home, she might make out Aulina’s quiet tears or Yang’s angry whispers. They seemed to simultaneously argue and comfort each other all at once. But no one was ever home. And no one would know what they argued about besides the walls of Aulina’s rooms. The walls knew that Yang was trying to persuade Aulina to report, “The Monster” but Aulina was refusing, sure it would ruin her life. If anyone was ever home they would also overhear Yang or Aulina quietly slipping into the other’s room each night, searching for safety after their nightmares. These nightmares happened each night without fail, sometimes for Aulina, sometimes for Yang, and sometimes for both sisters. There never seemed to be a night where both of the sisters could feel safe in their own beds. When they woke up in the mornings, it was often next to each other, having fallen asleep in the darkness after convincing each other that it was just a nightmare, that they were safe in their lives. Of course, they knew that wasn’t true but sometimes they just needed to hear to be able to sleep or to live with themselves, without guilt and shame crawling along their skin every moment. Their mother had no idea what was going on in her own home, to her children each night. She certainly had no idea what was happening at their school. But, to be fair to Mulan, no one really did. Aulina was friends with nearly everyone, yet no one really knew her. Of course no one knew Yang, her being as closed off as she was. Yang barely let anyone look at her, let alone speak to her. How would anyone know her secrets? Perhaps the sisters would have told their mom, it wasn’t like they weren’t close, but she left for work each morning before they got up and returned when they were already in bed. Because their one remaining parent was never home, and they trusted no one but each other, they both knew no one would ever find out. They kept their trauma buried and refused to speak about it, even when it started to happen more and more frequently, until their “Monster” was torturing them every day when he got the chance. They prayed for days he had meetings or was absent, but those were few and far between. So, they lived with it, marking the days until they graduated and escaped their own personal hell.