When something happens, with someone you can't have

I love him

Do I?

or did I just love the idea of him that he gave

the feeling of his arm around my shoulder 

his strong leg against mine 

the nerves I felt radiating from him

as the night went on 

I love him

Do I?

but he melted into me

chin resting on my shoulder 

so close I could have kissed his curly hair

if only I had been brave enough

chests rising and falling as one 

his hands wrapped all the way around my waist

I love him

Do I?

his soft sleepy voice asking 

being held closer and closer until

he said 

"I can teach you"

and his understanding when I set boundaries

the shared fear of knowing full well

when morning came

nothing could happen 

I do love him

Don't I?

But I can't

Love him I mean

But I can't 

Have him I mean

I can't 

ever love him I mean.