Why I Want to be an Automaton
I am an observer, a teen, and an original thinker. To an automaton, I am a threat to assimilation. I am an ordinary person of the middle class with curiosity.
I have often wondered if a puppeteer pulls her puppets strings out of malice on occasion or if it is purely a pursuit of fun. Just a few days past, I found myself deeply imbued in the emotion known as sadness, even despair, at the end of a greatly enjoyed event. At this moment, I began to wish that my emotions, my troubles, and my burdenful decisions would cease to exist; that someone else would take the reins of my life and I would simply become their automaton. Why do I want to be an automaton?
I want to be an automaton so I can be free from the physical demands of being human. I would not have to worry about the onslaught of death or the end of my mobility. I would have the capability to outlive my programmer and friends. I want to be an automaton so I do not have to take up my precious time with eating or cooking or cleaning up after myself. I would not be obligated to exercise or continue my fitness training. I would have to relinquish my rowing and other previous hobbies, unless, of course, they were input into my controls by my programmer. I want to be an automaton so I am not forced to abandon my specified tasks for immaterial things such as using the bathroom or doing the dishes. I want to leave behind the constraints of being human. And I want to be an automaton so I am not limited by what I am “good” or “bad” at. I want my programmer to dictate what I am doing in each moment so I do not have to determine what I am capable of.
I want to be an automaton so I do not have to earn or use money to pay for injuries or food. I do not want to be forced to earn money in order to pay for human necessities like sheets or a bed or a car. I do not want to pay for medicine or a house or a roof over my head. I do not want to choose between new socks and a new dress or think about saving money for my future pursuits. I want my programmer to be my bank because I never wish to enter a real one again. I do not want to pay for insurance for my broken parts and possessions. I want my programmer to determine what I need and give it to me. And I want my programmer to give me medications they think would improve my abilities to serve them. I want my programmer to select what I eat so that I do not need to think about the ethics of how my delicious food came to be. I want to be able to have my broken parts replaced and fixed when my programmer decides I need them. I would, of course, have to give up my own uniqueness, but my programmer would replace that with a well-oiled machine without the squeaky wheels of personality.
I want to be an automaton so I do not have to make my own decisions. I want to be free of the worry over which path is the “correct” path in my life. I want my programmer to make those decisions for me so I do not have to face the truth or difficulty of a situation. I do not want to have to decide when it is time to go outside or go to sleep. I do not want to worry about what I will do with my future: what I will do after high school, or how I will cope on my own. I want to be an automaton so I will know what to eat and do each day without having to decide. I want to be an automaton so I do not have to think about what to wear to a party or what people might think of me. I want to be an automaton so I do not have to decide on a career or when I should leave my home or go to college. Or, in a tragic moment, whether and when to put a pet down. This might mean giving up my ability to choose when and where I go or what I do, but compared to the difficulty of facing decision making, this is a far preferable alternative. I want to be an automaton so I do not have to take responsibility for my decisions and actions like taking the last slice of bread in the bag or saying something in anger to a sister or friend. I want my programmer to be responsible for any reactions to the actions I might take according to my program.
I want to be an automaton so that my programmer will process the information coming to me. I do not want to read the emails about the ending of the world. I do not want to see reports of death tolls caused by terrorist attacks. I want to receive only what my programmer deems right for me to see because I do not want to see any death or pain or sickness or tragedy. And I do not want to see anything which might hinder my operation. I do not want to see horrible images or read horrible stories that might pertain to what my program entails. I do not want to see the bodies of those who were destroyed by the weapons my program created or read about the addictions and death the medicines I created caused. I want to be an automaton so I only see the successful and pleasing side of my work. This may mean that I do not see the images of sunsets or read about human triumphs, unless, of course, my programmer deems them appropriate and necessary for me to see. I want to be an automaton so my programmer will make decisions for me so I do not risk standing out in a crowd. As an automaton, I would live within the controls of my almighty programmer without the strain of excess knowledge input into my system.
I want to be an automaton so that I do not have to deal with emotions like anger and sadness. I would live by the artificial beat of my programmed heart without the annoyances of emotions interfering with my work. Without my heart full of emotions, I would feel only when, and if, I was programmed to. I would not feel despair at the end of something or at the death of a loved one. I want to be an automaton so I do not have to feel sadness at the loss of a cherished friend or being left out of a conversation. I would have to give up love unless, of course, my programmer inserted such an emotion into my system. I would have no need for mourning or tireless self-evaluation or reflection. I want to be an automaton so I would not feel depressed during low points in my life. And I do not want to hold my own control panel because I might use it to turn myself off if I felt depression, or end my own existence. I want to be an automaton so I never feel angry or frustrated and upset those around me. In short, I want my programmer to be responsible for turning off any emotions I might feel so that I do not have to feel anything.
I want to be an automaton so I do not have a brain. I do not want to debate the system of justice or try to determine the great right or wrong in the world. And I want my programmer to “play God” and determine whether something is right or wrong and input it into my system. I want to be free of the ethical dilemmas of food and clothing production I am presented with so often. Without my feelings, only my own conscience would stand in the way of my perfect automaton self. This would mean that I would have to give up my own self-awareness and personality, but this pales in comparison with my automaton self. Giving up my conscience would allow me greater freedom for my work and less resistance to my programmed routine. I would be under the great strings of my programmer’s controls, in the hands of my capable “God.” And if all my friends and their friends wished to become automatons with me, there would be no need for justice or ethics.
If my program diminishes in accuracy or ability to control me at any point, I want my programmer to either deactivate me or redesign my program so I can continue with my automaton routine. I want my programmer to remain in control at all times so I can be free of the intricacies of my own life.
When, in some distant future, my friends have joined me in my automaton pursuit, I want the programmers to continue to control us so we can live more harmoniously among ourselves and carry out our programs with more efficiency. I would have to give up the color and flavor of the world, but within the parameters of my programmer’s controls, I would be free!
I am an observer, a teen, and an original thinker. To an automaton, I am a threat to assimilation. I am an ordinary person of the middle class with curiosity.
I have often wondered if a puppeteer pulls her puppets strings out of malice on occasion or if it is purely a pursuit of fun. Just a few days past, I found myself deeply imbued in the emotion known as sadness, even despair, at the end of a greatly enjoyed event. At this moment, I began to wish that my emotions, my troubles, and my burdenful decisions would cease to exist; that someone else would take the reins of my life and I would simply become their automaton. Why do I want to be an automaton?
I want to be an automaton so I can be free from the physical demands of being human. I would not have to worry about the onslaught of death or the end of my mobility. I would have the capability to outlive my programmer and friends. I want to be an automaton so I do not have to take up my precious time with eating or cooking or cleaning up after myself. I would not be obligated to exercise or continue my fitness training. I would have to relinquish my rowing and other previous hobbies, unless, of course, they were input into my controls by my programmer. I want to be an automaton so I am not forced to abandon my specified tasks for immaterial things such as using the bathroom or doing the dishes. I want to leave behind the constraints of being human. And I want to be an automaton so I am not limited by what I am “good” or “bad” at. I want my programmer to dictate what I am doing in each moment so I do not have to determine what I am capable of.
I want to be an automaton so I do not have to earn or use money to pay for injuries or food. I do not want to be forced to earn money in order to pay for human necessities like sheets or a bed or a car. I do not want to pay for medicine or a house or a roof over my head. I do not want to choose between new socks and a new dress or think about saving money for my future pursuits. I want my programmer to be my bank because I never wish to enter a real one again. I do not want to pay for insurance for my broken parts and possessions. I want my programmer to determine what I need and give it to me. And I want my programmer to give me medications they think would improve my abilities to serve them. I want my programmer to select what I eat so that I do not need to think about the ethics of how my delicious food came to be. I want to be able to have my broken parts replaced and fixed when my programmer decides I need them. I would, of course, have to give up my own uniqueness, but my programmer would replace that with a well-oiled machine without the squeaky wheels of personality.
I want to be an automaton so I do not have to make my own decisions. I want to be free of the worry over which path is the “correct” path in my life. I want my programmer to make those decisions for me so I do not have to face the truth or difficulty of a situation. I do not want to have to decide when it is time to go outside or go to sleep. I do not want to worry about what I will do with my future: what I will do after high school, or how I will cope on my own. I want to be an automaton so I will know what to eat and do each day without having to decide. I want to be an automaton so I do not have to think about what to wear to a party or what people might think of me. I want to be an automaton so I do not have to decide on a career or when I should leave my home or go to college. Or, in a tragic moment, whether and when to put a pet down. This might mean giving up my ability to choose when and where I go or what I do, but compared to the difficulty of facing decision making, this is a far preferable alternative. I want to be an automaton so I do not have to take responsibility for my decisions and actions like taking the last slice of bread in the bag or saying something in anger to a sister or friend. I want my programmer to be responsible for any reactions to the actions I might take according to my program.
I want to be an automaton so that my programmer will process the information coming to me. I do not want to read the emails about the ending of the world. I do not want to see reports of death tolls caused by terrorist attacks. I want to receive only what my programmer deems right for me to see because I do not want to see any death or pain or sickness or tragedy. And I do not want to see anything which might hinder my operation. I do not want to see horrible images or read horrible stories that might pertain to what my program entails. I do not want to see the bodies of those who were destroyed by the weapons my program created or read about the addictions and death the medicines I created caused. I want to be an automaton so I only see the successful and pleasing side of my work. This may mean that I do not see the images of sunsets or read about human triumphs, unless, of course, my programmer deems them appropriate and necessary for me to see. I want to be an automaton so my programmer will make decisions for me so I do not risk standing out in a crowd. As an automaton, I would live within the controls of my almighty programmer without the strain of excess knowledge input into my system.
I want to be an automaton so that I do not have to deal with emotions like anger and sadness. I would live by the artificial beat of my programmed heart without the annoyances of emotions interfering with my work. Without my heart full of emotions, I would feel only when, and if, I was programmed to. I would not feel despair at the end of something or at the death of a loved one. I want to be an automaton so I do not have to feel sadness at the loss of a cherished friend or being left out of a conversation. I would have to give up love unless, of course, my programmer inserted such an emotion into my system. I would have no need for mourning or tireless self-evaluation or reflection. I want to be an automaton so I would not feel depressed during low points in my life. And I do not want to hold my own control panel because I might use it to turn myself off if I felt depression, or end my own existence. I want to be an automaton so I never feel angry or frustrated and upset those around me. In short, I want my programmer to be responsible for turning off any emotions I might feel so that I do not have to feel anything.
I want to be an automaton so I do not have a brain. I do not want to debate the system of justice or try to determine the great right or wrong in the world. And I want my programmer to “play God” and determine whether something is right or wrong and input it into my system. I want to be free of the ethical dilemmas of food and clothing production I am presented with so often. Without my feelings, only my own conscience would stand in the way of my perfect automaton self. This would mean that I would have to give up my own self-awareness and personality, but this pales in comparison with my automaton self. Giving up my conscience would allow me greater freedom for my work and less resistance to my programmed routine. I would be under the great strings of my programmer’s controls, in the hands of my capable “God.” And if all my friends and their friends wished to become automatons with me, there would be no need for justice or ethics.
If my program diminishes in accuracy or ability to control me at any point, I want my programmer to either deactivate me or redesign my program so I can continue with my automaton routine. I want my programmer to remain in control at all times so I can be free of the intricacies of my own life.
When, in some distant future, my friends have joined me in my automaton pursuit, I want the programmers to continue to control us so we can live more harmoniously among ourselves and carry out our programs with more efficiency. I would have to give up the color and flavor of the world, but within the parameters of my programmer’s controls, I would be free!
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