WINTER COAT

I wish
That I could pick up my warm winter coat
And drop it on top of me
Letting it smother me
Letting it devour my pain
My worry and rejection.
Letting its warmth suck the cold from my heart
Until there is nothing left to feel
Letting it pluck the haunting images from my brain
Until I sink 
Into emotionless, thoughtless oblivion
At least then I would be free.

Free from their knowing smiles
That I feel, but never see
Free from their laughter
And the conversations that leave me out
Because they are talking about me.
Free from the looks of fake pity
Because, as usual
I wasn’t quite good enough.
All would be lost in my coat
My realm of utter darkness
But at least I would be free.