Words Left Unspoken

What
The
Heck!

Why are you doing this to me?
I’m riding an emotional rollercoaster  
With you at the controls

At first I pardoned your offense 
Creating excuses 
To ease the pain
I just can’t imagine 
You hurting me on purpose 

After a week and a half you suddenly started texting again
Acting as if nothing has happened
I play along not wanting to pick
At the fresh scab laid apon our friendship

A month later you ghost me, again
For not one
Not two
But three weeks!
My plentiful messages left read
With no reply
Finally I got up the gall to confront the worries whirling inside 
Asking in sencerity if I angered you in some way
Your reply sounds feasible 
Family trouble
A loved one gone
Nothing personal 
Plumes of guilt invade my conscious 
How could I jump to worse case scenario
Reevaluating our several year long friendship 
Over something as stupid as texting
I mentally chide myself 
Moving on

Yet a small part of my brain questions
If you had the time to open my message,
Why didn’t you respond?
If you were hurting inside
Just say you don’t want to talk about it
I’ll understand 
At soccer
Kids talk to you
About Instagram
Complimenting your recent posts
And it makes me wonder..

Once again you start texting again at random
Ignoring all my texts from the past three weeks

Another month later
The pattern continues 
As I sit here and write
The last message you replied to
Labled two and a half weeks ago
Whats weird though
Is you responded to the group chat
Within that time
But refused to acknowledge 
The texts between just you and me

I place our friendship on display
Observing it from all angles
What we had was wonderful 
A relationship worth fighting for 
At the moment though
Im not liking what I see
I could blame it on the pandemic
However it’s more than that
True friends would be brought together
Becoming a brace for each other 
However we seem to have drifted apart
The six foot rule shouldn’t apply to our friendship!

Somewhere along the path
There must have been a fork
We both traveled our separate ways 
I hope our paths with soon reunite 
Until then
Goodbye my..
Friend?


************

( If somehow it is really you reading this.. I’m sorry. This feels to hard to say in person for fear of judgement and hurt. I will tell you someday soon. For now writing frees me.) 



We are best friends
At least we were.

Secrets are scarce between us
Or so I thought

We are always there for one another
Hear that, I still got your back! Though I’m starting to question if you have mine..