Years of trying

I am a girl who never swears,
nice trustworthy
        says sorry too much for my own good.
Very few people know this comes from years of practice and breakdowns.
very few people know that sometimes I cry myself to sleep
                      when I think it was my fault when I think I am the problem.
Very few people how I blame myself when things go downhill.
Very few people know I plan like I am surviving on lists 
        and very few people know I curse their names under my breath.