(yet another incomplete poem)

something hits me differently

when the asphalt is wet from the rain,

and my music is turned up all the way.

my sky blue converse stained with the tears of the clouds...

i can't ever think straight.

my head is always heavy,

my eyes always wishing to dispose of the painful moments they have collected over the last few days.

i won't let the liquid memories slip down my face again.

the clock reads 11:49

i told my best friend i was tired but now i can't sleep

i hope that when she reads this, she will understand.

i never want to hurt her but i can't seem to do anything right anymore.

she is so much better than me but apparently i'm not allowed to think that.

the endless train of thoughts never departs from my tired mind,

i'm slowly driving myself insane, staying up this late,

allowing the words to drag me down into the pit of worthless ideas.

it's not like anyone is going to understand what i'm trying to say here anyway.

none of this makes any sense.

it's not even poetic.

i feel the need to write, to speak,

but i always feel judged or annoying. 

i can't think of the right words or the right things to say.

nothing seems enough now,

something is always wrong.

i repeat the words endlessly.

nothing new here.

the "i's" and the hurt

you have heard it all before.

this was supposed to be about

happiness and rain and comfort and a favorite pair of shoes.

but now its about the confusion i have caused.

i don't even own a pair of blue converse.

what am i trying to prove?

the clock reads 11:58 now,

and i should've been asleep hours ago.

but another good song came on,

and my heart beats a little quicker,

and my hands type out another line of useless, confusing letters.

i hope that someone understands,

i hope that if you are reading this, that you can relate.

oh look, midnight. 

what can i do now, the poem is incomplete. 

yet another meaningless idea to add to the rest.

so here it is...

i hope you enjoy,

the shattered thoughts and reminiscent tears