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Dec 28
poem 5 comments
Hope_for_the_future's picture

Sweater

Slowly the thread on her sweater 
Started to unravel 
unnoticed at first 
by people who knew her 
She noticed and cute the loss thread 
Kept cutting hoping it would stop 
coming undone 
More parts of the sweater started 
to unravel 
Now she started another way 
of trying to stop the unraveling 
nothing worked 
Her friends noticed more 
holes in her sweater 
Not saying anything 
until too late 
and the sweater 
laid in the river 
under the  bridge 



 
Posted: 12.28.16
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  1. Dec 28, 2016

    I really like the extended metaphor of the sweater. I wasn't expecting it at first because a sweater is so different from what you would expect, but it seems perfectly fitted to the dark tone of this poem somehow. I like the way you never disclose the metaphor but yet it's clear immediately that you're reading about something other than a sweater—anyways. Nicely done.

  1. Dec 28, 2016

    This is a beautiful and meaningful metaphoric piece of writing. I find it a good choice to stay unspecific about what is behind the metaphor as it allows the reader to personally interpret a meaning specific to their creative minds which is applicable to their varying lives. I very much enjoyed it, though I think you meant too instead of to near the end.

  1. Dec 28, 2016

    WOW. So powerful. You really conveyed so, so much through this short piece. I also really like the extended metaphor with the sweater. The metaphor unravels in much the same way the sweater does. The reader understands and sees more and more of the complete significance just about the same time that "her friends notice more holes". Additionally, the progression from "slowly" at the start to "until too late" near the end emphasizes and conveys the unnoticed time that slips by while the reader watches the unraveling take place in the poem. I agree with Mbrookens that the unspecific meaning behind the metaphor ADDS to the poem because of the possibilities for interpretation. Great job!

  1. Dec 29, 2016

    You drew me in from the beginning and it kept going, as if following that same thread that was unraveling. My favorite lines were "Kept cutting hoping it would stop/coming undone," because you really show that cutting an unraveling thread is exactly the opposite of what it needs—which is so true in life.
    I'd love to see you describe what "another way of trying to stop the unraveling" is; I think it would add to the stakes of the piece and could really add to the metaphor, as well.
    At the end, you shock the reader with the new addition of both a river and a bridge, seemingly unrelated things to a sweater, that hint once again to something more.
    I love it. Nicely done.

    P.S. I love your username!!

    "I say I want to save the world but really/I want to write poems all day"
    -Dorothea Lasky

  1. Dec 30, 2016

    Very impressive. I was not expecting this at all. I love poems like these with such beautiful extended metaphors. Even though the poem is written about the sweater it goes way beyond that, which is amazing. The ending was unexpected but necessary and very powerful. This whole piece was super powerful and has left a profound effect on myself. I second many of these pre-existing comments. I am just blown away. Great work!

    Either write something worth reading, or do something worth writing. -Benjamin Franklin