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Jun 09
fiction 3 comments challenge: Unsaid
barbosac's picture
barbosac

Invisible regret

I can see my mom crying. My dad isn't here but I didn't think he'd come anyway. Two rows down from my mom I can see my girlfriend, Becca, crying into the shoulder of her brother. She's my biggest regret with this. I really did love her but it wasn't enough. I met her when I started middle school and we became best friends instantly. It was always the two of us, Becca and Kasey, until the end of middle school. In freshmen year we made some more friends but it was still mostly just us. I remember in sophomore year, the two of us were sitting in my room just doing nothing and I decided to come out to her. She had nothing but supportive things to say to me and it made my heart swell. A few months later she asked me out and we started dating. We’ve been together for the past five years. 
The next five rows behind Becca are all extended family that are wiping their eyes and pretending to cry. I hate them all. They didn't know me and even if they did I doubt they would've tried to help me. I start to walk down the aisle and look around. I see kids from school. Most of them didn’t even know my name; but here they are. Crying. Tears spilling down their faces. I turn away from them and look at my mom again. I kneel by her and watch her cry. It hurts to see but I can’t do anything about it. For the rest of the time I watch my mother. I can hear people getting up and talking about me; telling stories, both funny and sad. It's over pretty soon. 
I stand up and turn back to the podium. And there I am. I look peaceful and calm. My hair is soft and lays gently on my shoulders. My skin is smooth and soft. The dress is one of my favorites; I wore it to prom with Becca and it was one of the best nights of my life. It's a creamy white color with a sparkly black overlay. She had on a flowy purple strapless dress with little sparkly flowers on it. I’m jerked out of the past when I see Becca stand shakily and walk up to the podium. My breath catches in my throat and I feel my eyes start to well up. I didn’t realize she was going to speak today. She looks down and her shoulders start to shake from held-back sobs. Finally, she looks up and takes a deep breath. 
“Kasey is one of the strongest people I know. In all the five years we’ve been together I’ve never met someone stronger. But I guess I misjudged that strength. I tried to help her but she was weaker than I expected. And when it came time for me to lean on her for support she broke. She was selfish and in the end it destroyed her.” I watched as she broke down in sobs. Not quiet, delicate sobs, but I-can't-go-on-anymore sobs. I put a hand to my mouth as I let out a choked gasp. Becca stumbled down from the podium and ran to her brother. I sank to my knees as I felt tears stream down my face for the first time that day. I felt my shoulders shake as the weight of it all came crashing down on me for the first time. After a while I stood up shakily and walked over to the podium. I ran my hand along the casket and looked in. I took in a shuddered breath as I saw the face looking up at me, eyes closed peacefully. Lips a pale pink, parted slightly. Face pale of color, cold to the touch. A girls face. A young woman's face. My face.
 
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Posted: 06.09.17
barbosac's picture
About the Author: barbosac
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Discussion

Comments

  1. Fiona Ella
    Jun 10, 2017

    Oof. I really didn't see that coming. So powerful. This is heart-wrenching, and I like how you don't come right out and say too much openly; it works best, in this case, letting the audience figure out what's going on for themselves. Really powerful. Nice work.

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  1. ShanRippWriting
    Jun 12, 2017

    Wow. Really powerful piece. I loved it a lot! I'm curious about exactly what happened to lead up to this whole event. Very nice! YWP intern Shannon :)

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  1. Grace Safford
    Jun 12, 2017

    Wow, I agree with the other two comments, this piece is fascinating. You do a great job with the build up and progression of your story. It was smart to start your first paragraph talking about the most important people in the character's life, and then to focus the middle paragraph on the extended family, and to then speak about the character again. You create a perfect opportunity for a smart and slight tonal shift that keeps the story interesting. In addition, what was really powerful about this piece was how layered it was. The girlfriend called the main character "selfish." That's not something you expect to hear at a funeral, and it makes the piece all the more complex and mature.
    In the future, if you ever want to consider revision, I would suggest strengthening the known backstory between the mother and the main character. The main character chose to be next to her mother the whole time, yet the reader really only knows about the relationship between the main character and her girlfriend. Was the relationship with the mother as strong? By adding more details to the mother-daughter bond, the reader will feel the significance of her choice to sit with her mother that much more.
    — GS, Intern

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