May 15

Regret

Regret.
It’s kind of funny when you think about it.
The fact that this one little word has so much emotion packed into it,
And not the good kind either.
It was November of last year, I came into work at the usual 4:35 for my 5:00 shift, but something seemed different about that day.
I was startled to see a boy, around my age, that I’ve never seen before, sitting in the chair we use to take breaks.
I froze immediately, then tried to back up slowly so I wouldn’t have to talk to this boy, but he looked up and I was caught.
We took our time analyzing each other; he had curly brown hair, bushy eyebrows, and was dressed like he definitely wasn’t working at Journeys: with grey Toms, black jeans, and a white button up.
Not sure how to actually start a conversation, I instead took the cowards way out.
“WHO’S THIS GUY IN THE BACK AND WHY IS HE HERE!?” I could feel my face turning pink at this point, there was honestly no turning back now.
Time went on, as I knew it would,
Everything was fine, he helped me submit an application for GIV and even did some of my math work for me.
This boy wasn’t like all of the others in my life, he genuinely cared about my mental health and well-being, or so I thought at the time.
Eventually, I admitted my feelings for him, as did he, and it all went uphill from there, constant flirting, late night texts, the whole shindig, I was the happiest I had been in a long time.
Then Black Friday rolled around, and who do I have to open and close the store with? Said somewhat cute boy.
Little did I know he would show up to work on the busiest night of the year with hickeys all over his neck, not even bothering to cover them.
It was at that moment of time that everything came crashing down and reality had set in: I was being played.
I didn’t even know what to do at the time in all honesty,
I was torn between emotions of sadness and anger, but what I felt the most was regret.
I regret opening up to him.
I regret letting him see me smile.
I regret him.