Jun 14
Kikiclimbs05's picture

I am

I am trailing my fingers along the wall, tired, going home
I am sucking my on finger, the scratch made from a loose brick, sticking out from the wall
I am rememerbing all of the novels I've read, with the ladies who hide notes to their lovers behind crumbling, loose bricks
I am pulling the brick out, watching a piece of paper no bigger that a post-it fluttering to the ground
I am picking it up, unfolding it, smoothing it out
I am reading it
I am dropping the note, running home
I am reading the words. over and over again in my head
Go away, Natasha. You and your fantasy books, your swirling desires. I never loved you, Natasha Greene, and I know that you loved me, you sad pathetic excuse for a lover.
I am walking up to my house, The house that has Greene written on it in swirling calgiraphy over the front door
I am getting my key out, door opening already
I am hugging, being hugged
Im am hearing words whispered to me, whispering back
"Alise, how was the party?"
"Just fine, Natasha. Boring as usual."
I am being kissed, hugged, falling into bed with pajamas on
I am hearing her snores, feeling he chest rise and fall
I am not falling asleep
I am sinking
I am drowning
I am lost in this little piece of paper
I am lost in this
I am lost in
I am lost
I am
I
...
I am losing myself
but maybe it was just a dream
I am sitting up, whispering again
"Natasha?"
She is sleeping still
I am sitting up
I am watching the sunrise
I am getting up
I am not here
I am not present
I am watching her
I am 
lost
I am yelling, screaming inside
I am crying
because of a piece of peper
inside a brick
like in all my novels
I am cursing
I am silent
I am gone

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