i cannot make my bed, 
i don't make my bed and i do not put away laundry
and i don't wash my hair and i don't check my email, 
i have a list of things i should be doing, 
i have a messy room, a disorganized closet and crowded desktop
and i am afraid. 

i am afraid to complete things i am completely capable of doing, 
like dusting and vacuuming,
or eating and drinking. 

if i finish the list i am afraid of the other one.

i cannot feel accompanied surrounded by people who care, 
i don't feel content and i do not let go of the idea of how perfect a person could be. 
i don't think rationally, or logically and i don't respond to texts, 
i have a list of things i should be doing, but am not completely capable of
like feeling full but not naseuous and being comfortable with silence. 

so i procrastinate. 

i avoid the simple in order to never acknowledge the impossible, 
if i were to clean, wash, and dust and vacuum, 
what would i be left with,
except to lay in my freshly made-bed and wonder, 
why i will never be capable of feeling completed without you.