Oct 17

coward

 my hands tap
tap tap
on my page
and I can feel my aphantasia  
clicking like a clock,
my eyes focused,
then unfocused.
Like a camera lens trying to see in the dark.  
and my mind is tap tap tapping
on my skull and spine telling me to move
but my numbed joints scream in protest
so I stay down.  
‘Coward!’  my brain tells me.
Coward.  
Time speeds up and then slows,
my ears popping with the change.
There’s a quiet ringing in my head but it still drowns out the noise around me.  
every nerve in my body is tense and taught and tipped to the very top of their threshold.  
my body feels like a harp;
Like it could make music at the hands of a master.
I can’t feel my self imploding
but I know it’s happening
and I have a cure but my hands are tied
and to be honest
I would rather die then
fall to the feet
of some invisible deity

 
About the Author: lila woodard
everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid — Albert Einstein
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