Nov 16
earleyg's picture

Impossible

Relationships for me is a steep, slippery slope of surprise, stress, sadness
I vowed to never let myself get caught up in its grasp again
Never again will I allow myself to play its unfair game of what nature wants and what I want
But I have fallen again
And I have fallen hard
It's all I can do to contain myself when I see my phone light up and I think
What if it's him?
I feel dizzy and wild on my feet when we're near each other, but relaxed when we're sitting together
I want to shout my feelings from the rooftops
I want to express my thoughts to him and hope he understands
But that is a bad idea
No, our friendship will be ruined
He doesn't like me like that
We don't even like the same things
He's reading comics, I'm reading bestsellers
He's more into live action films I'm more into animation
It would never work
That saying 'opposites attract' is a lie in my case
But I can't stop thinking about him
He's the first thing I think of when I wake up
And the last thing I think of when I go to sleep
I've even begun to dream about him
Why do you like him? Answer that first
Why do I like him?! He has the qualities I admire
Smart, funny, flexible, kind of that disheveled look that just seems to make him look better
I'm such a fool
Why can't I pull myself out of this addictive loop?
Love is strange, but do I love him? I know I like him, but I'm positive he doesn't like me the same way
This is impossible
If you don't want it to be awkward, then don't say anything
So what then? I suffer silently with this impossible secret I don't know how long will remain hidden?
What if he finds out through some other way?
All I'm doing is biting my tongue and forcing myself to keep my head down
I've taken leaps of faith before, telling someone I like them, and it always ends badly
100% of the time
Maybe not right away, maybe not the next day, but in the near future of me saying it
I don't want to jinx myself again
I want to be friends, I really do
But the feelings I have are ultra strong
I don't want to hurt him or myself
So should I be strong and silent?
Or bold and brave?