Feb 07

Life of a Fork

Hi! My name is Mila and I'm a Johnson house fork. I'm Eddy, the littlest--human? Is that what they're called?--anyway, I'm his favorite.
I'm here to tell you a bit about my life. So I'm gonna tell you about a normal day in the life of a fork.
First, I wait in the drawer with the other forks until dinnertime. We tend to gossip a lot.
Then, at dinner, when I hear "Mom" say
"Abby! Get the forks!", all the forks and I start to get panicky. You DON"T wanna get picked.
But, I know I always will, because Eddy loves me so much.
Then, I have to spend 45 minutes in and out of Eddy's mouth, pretending to be an airplane.
After that, I wait on the counter with all the other dirty dishes for at least half an hour, and then...
The dreaded dishwasher.
I get THROWN into the silverware rack, wait there for sometimes a DAY,
Then get soaped and rinsed and soaped and rinsed until all I can do is lean back and absentmindedly dream.
When it finally stops and Mom says 
"Abby! Unload the dishwasher!" she always says something like
"noooo, Mom, I don't WANT to," or "nooooo, Dad, can't I do my homework first?" And I'm like,
"Please, Abby, unload us! Put us out of our misery!"
Then, we have this terrible thing called The Clean Test. Abby carefully checks each one of us forks, spoons and knives to make sure we're clean enough.
If we're not, and have some old food on us, we have to go back through that whole process. UHGG. 
Also, I have to avoid getting to close to my crush, Sammy, who is the cutest dang fork in the whole wide world.
Oh, and don't tell anyone this, but my best friend Louisa has a crush on a spoon. That's like if a girl human had a crush on a boy human!
Well, that's all I have to tell you for now! 
Yours Truly,