caseyblaise

I lay between these yellow walls for hours on end
watching the analog clock just above my calender
watching the life that was once mine tick by without consequence 

I wait for a phone call 
but whos? 

when you asked me why

i would do such a thing 

i watched you cry

over nothingness 

that used to be 
something but is now only Me

i had no clever answer 

or anecdote 

I used to see and dream in color 
before all the days seemed to blend together 
before staying awake became a chore 
and trying to sleep became a war 
between my irrational thoughts 

how did this happen?
can you look me in the eyes 
can you look ANYONE in the eyes 
and say you are truly proud? 

the answer 
should be no 
you should not be proud 

i hate you 
i hate your perfect style 
your perfect hair
your perfect body 
your perfect life 

i hate how easily you do things
i hate how much people love you 

she watches as the ashes fall 
sinking 
slowly 
into the earth where they will lay 
and slowly fade as all things do 
engulfed by time and age 
by hope 
and loss