amaryllis

I just want to go find
the instruction manual for life
the rulebook for love
and a cheat sheet for
how to walk the line
between dreams and reality
hardwork and relaxation
the treasure map to navigate
a lifetime of hardship

I am the luckiest girl in the world today
Scratch that, human
Today, I am the luckiest human 
To have ever walked the Earth

What did I do in my last life
To deserve these people?
Even if we’re screens apart

I am so sorry
I screwed up
by making you wait
the space between
is so far
that time warps
and I, the fool
can't do basic math
or reading
I hope you weren't waiting
too long,
at an empty screen

World,
I thought this was the storm
Never could've thought
this was the calm
before the earthquake
one would think,
I'm used to this now
having my world
shift under my feet
just as I become okay
with where I am

Today,
I peered in the mirror
to find a girl
I hadn't seen in a while
rebellious wisps framing
a contented moon
not trying, for once
to reflect the sun's
happiness

Today,
I tied my hair 
half up

Alternating
Laughter & arguing
echo across the house
waking me up
at an ungodly hour
9 AM
a starfish in bed
splayed out, trying to cool off
my sweating potato self
in this toaster of a room