gracebats

i didn’t love you
but it was something 
maybe it wasn’t love
or if it was maybe it was one sided
or unrequited
but i don’t think i loved you
i think i would give you
every
single
thing
and tell you

Crying, screaming, begging
All for my freedom
All for my own bodily autonomy
Because old white men want to take it away

So when they provoke me
I'll kick and scream
Throw a fit
Becasue I will not settle

You pulled up in your old, green car and gave me the look you always used to. The look I knew like the back of my hand. The look that healed all of my wounds. The smug smile that made your freckles look like fallen stars.

I should probably write more poetry than I do
And I should focus more on drinking water
I should probably stress less
And call my grandma
A lot more than I do

I should clean out my backpack
And my email

I am terrifyingly smitten with you
You make butterflies flutter around my stomach
And my cheeks grow pink
Sometimes I even think
You take the air out of my lungs

I want you to dance with me
At any hour of the day

I know that I would pull an Irish goodbye when you get too close
Because I always feel safer when no one knows
It's not that I don't want to feel something
It's more that I do
But I would rather run away