I told myself I’d anchor myself
In fifth grade.
I lost myself in sixth.
Created myself in seventh.
Now in this horrible in between
I wonder if I can be the person I have been
Without you?
Because I knew you anchored me
But without you
Truly
What keeps me away from what kills me?
If I am so addicted to the poison
And you aren’t there to keep me distracted keep me happy and free and loved
Will I still be me
Or am I just not capable?
How to be my own person with my anchor far away, I wonder?
Just hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring tingle tingling too
F F F F F G F-D Bb C D C-A G F-
imitating the human voice with instruments
percussion back there repeatedly hitting the sleigh bells
I showed my grandmother my keyboard
she took six years' of lessons when she was younger.
Her fingers found the keys -
she could still read -
just enough
just a little.
I pulled out my flute-piano duet book
You cared;
I tried to.
You did;
I thought I did.
I wanted so badly
to be a character in my books
and to feel longing
to feel needing
to feel love and to
be loved
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