I told myself I’d anchor myself
In fifth grade.
I lost myself in sixth.
Created myself in seventh.
Now in this horrible in between
I wonder if I can be the person I have been
Without you?
Because I knew you anchored me
But without you
Truly
What keeps me away from what kills me?
If I am so addicted to the poison
And you aren’t there to keep me distracted keep me happy and free and loved
Will I still be me
Or am I just not capable?
How to be my own person with my anchor far away, I wonder?
I saw a photo of our band from last year
our Wind Ensemble
the intern we all fell in love with
the conductor we adore
everyone was together
and I just...
gah.
I wanted to yell STAY
Sack race
thirteenth birthday party
start of seventh grade.
My two BFFs since kindergarten,
the one that slipped in from fourth grade,
the two I met in fifth -
then of course my party girlfriends
How lucky am I?
To feel loved?
In a household and a family and a school that makes me feel not worth it
not good enough
and I found someone outside of it all who loves me?
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