QueenBee

Failure.

It's not a familiar word to me

Because I am never failing unless I know

I haven't tried hard enough

Been my best

But that was failure.

Not by me,

By them,

I let myself cry

And it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest

Exploding

Shattering into the sky

I felt like I was dying

Each day it gets easier

But when it catches up to you

I'm so old

I know I'm not really but

It feels like it.

Like I'm a teenager

For real this time

Like I'm normal

And my parents trust me

And I can text?

And I'm normal

You created memories

And then got to move on

Leaving them untouched and perfect

Mine are being trampled.

Walked all over by my friends

My peers

I can't DO this

This constant emotional bombardment

And I'm here again and I love it

Away from my friends

Away from my peers

My teachers

Here with doable expectations

The stage lights glinting off my glasses like melted candlelight

And it feels the same

But in the worst way possible

And I hate this 

More than I hated last year

At least last year

I cared

What I wouldn't give to care now