QueenBee

I want to get you a gift

for Christmas

because

I want you to know that you're special to me.

And it really is that simple -

but I don't know what to get you

The age-old dilemma

something cute?

My band conductor has always said that 6/8 plays itself -

it does.

It's easy to just play through but not if you think too much.

I grew up in 6/8

my life plays itself

yes I make mistakes

The first thing I ever understood about falling in love

is that it keeps you coming back

like magnets

whether it's good for you or bad for you

you're addicted.

And I didn't know the scope of it -

New year's resolutions.

I tell myself a lot of things every year -

I never listen.

No boys, no distractions.

Too late.

This time is different I think -

I want that senior solo

Chairs

straightbacked for posture perfection

in neat rows

arranged up each step of the staggered blue-carpeted levels

sneakers and boots rooted

to the tiled floor

gray speckled white

Everyone's playing Christmas music

Christmas movies

break is in two weeks

we're already preparing our favorite meals.

And I'm lost.

Not good lost,

not lost in the holiday cheer -

I'm just depressed.