As soon as
I sense the slightest tinge
Of anger
I
Run from myself
Nononono
You know what happens when you get mad
Just play
And so I play and play
Sometimes it helps
It distracts
But when there's a black hole in you
Does anything truly fix it?
Does the anger ever go away?
I've been angry my whole life
I pick fights because I need to
I'm out of ideas
Out of things to keep cool
Done with these people
Done with all of this
I'm so angry
All the time
What's wrong with me?
Noise
Warming up
Keys
Fingerings
Chatter
Laughter
The chorale
Stopping
Starting
"Again"
"I know you can do better than that"
Serious but
You also love it
Cornered
I put my hands up
Like you taught me
Only now
You're the one attacking
"Helping" because
You "just want me to feel better"
And I braced for impact
I'm distracted.
Why did I let myself become so reliant
Dependent
So stupid
Ugh I'm so mad.
So mad.
I let myself become distracted by silly things I could want
I let myself want them
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