Because you're a girl

You should get a gun
They suggest
A little gun
Because you're so little!
Pink probably
Because you're a girl
You should get a pink gun with pink glitter bullets and you can bedazzle the sides with rhinestones
"Grope this barrel!"
You should get a little pink and purple swirled keychain made of resin
Because you're a girl
It looks like a cat 
Because you're a sassy queen!
And it's ears are sharpened into little plastic points that you can jab
Into the pedophile's legs
You should get pepper spray
Because you're a girl
You should get a pack of pepper spray that says
Careful: This item is hot!
You should get pepper spray that looks like very berry chapstick
And you can put it on your keychain next to your cat ears and your mini pink gun and your safety alarm
And your phone tracker that calls a friend if you go missing and your sharpened keys and your breathmints
None of it will fit in your pockets so you can hang it off a chain with a fuzzy pink pom-pom on the end
And you'll clutch that chain with sharp nails that have this polish that turns glossy-shimmery when you've been drugged
Because you're a girl