beyond repair

i wake up from long nights, 

i see your face and i smile. 

it hurts my stomach,

it hurts every part of me. 

why do you have to see me like this?

i'm ugly, i'm a monster,

you say you don't care

that you still love me. 

i wish i could cover my scars,

so you wouldn't see them. 

you couldn't see the pain i've been through. 

i don't want your pity. 

you argue that i'm beautiful,

but it makes me feel less wanted.

why does my brain twist your words

into obstructive little things. 

i hate all the parts of me

that you've touched,

because once your gone

i'll rip myself to shreads. 

i know i can't think straight,

not when i'm in this state. 

the only thing that makes me happy is you,

but that's not even true anymore. 

why am i so self defacing?

why am i so stupid all the time?

why do i hide myself?

why do i feel like you'd be better off if i die?

the moral of the story, i guess

is to be nothing but cynical, 

to shadow every part of yourself. 

there is no moral to the story, 

there is nothing to learn from me, 

because i'm broken beyond repair.