That Boy

I don't know who I am
the little kid in the purple dress
with the long hair
has changed and, slightly faded
he's sad today
he knows
something isn't right in his world
but he can't pin down what
I try to drown my emotions in the sounds that pour forth from my headphones
I attempt to smile
but I feel too grey to appreciate the blue sky
I wish my eyes were green
like the back of a frog
like the sound of humming
Like limes and grass
like the cartoon dinosaur I painted on my wall
in the hopes it would make me smile on bad days
the little kid who used to laugh at anything
he feels numb
he doesn't know how to really laugh anymore
or how to ask for help
fear seems to drive his mental state deeper
and deeper into the false world he's made for himself
inside his mind
where nobody can hurt him
and somebody always holds his hand
I am that boy
I am scared of the big
huge world before me
of the people in it
but most of all
of myself

I am that boy
who loves frogs
and dinosaurs
the color green
and when people hold my hand
I also like warm bread
and the smell of coffee
socks with funny patterns
and songs for every day of the week
I am that boy
who cries at night
because he feels alone
who desperately wants somebody to love
but is afraid of loving
I am that boy


and today I am sad.