I feel useless
Unproductive
No one needs me right now
Good
I have nothing to do
B o r e d o m.
I can't stop thinking about you
I assign myself tasks
Keeping me occupied
Is like babysitting myself.
I complete lots of busywork,
As if I am in school.
I create a schedule for myself
Itineraries
Anything that has any vague connection to you
I like thinking about you
Doing things related to you
Even if you'll never see half of them
I'm so bored
And so busywork it is
Noise
Warming up
Keys
Fingerings
Chatter
Laughter
The chorale
Stopping
Starting
"Again"
"I know you can do better than that"
Serious but
You also love it
Cornered
I put my hands up
Like you taught me
Only now
You're the one attacking
"Helping" because
You "just want me to feel better"
And I braced for impact
I'm distracted.
Why did I let myself become so reliant
Dependent
So stupid
Ugh I'm so mad.
So mad.
I let myself become distracted by silly things I could want
I let myself want them
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