Corrupted Architect (A Sestina)

Another year is over, another year is done,

I’m still standing where you left me, stranded,

All alone in a world without you, my sun,

The ring’s still on my finger, but I’m left empty handed.

You used to hold me tightly and whisper words to me,

By now I thought it’d be closure, but I don’t yet feel free. 
 

I want to run to the edges of those memories to try to be free;

Run back into the depths of my mind before we were done,

But I can’t just push us out, and what you did to me.

This world has felt so empty since you left me stranded,

I’m lonely without the life that you had handed

To me like a promise, but now it is dead like this blackening sun:

It used to be round and hearty and now it’s a sharp and guarded sun,

Like how I’m trapped in this dystopia that’ll never be free.

It’s given like a gift, like a dazzling trophy I got handed,

And so maybe I ran from the unknown, but what’s done is done,

But this time I accepted with open arms, but I’ve never felt so stranded

Because even in a perfect world, without you there is no me.

I’m just trying to adjust without that you and me,

So don’t come prancing back into my life, like you’re still my sun

And I’m waiting at your feet like I hadn’t noticed I was stranded,

But I did. So it’s good you’re not here to break me free,

I think I made you up in my head (now that you are gone),

It’s for the best I contrived you in my soul single handed.

Then why do I feel so empty handed?

 I feel like that piece of soul will never again be a part of me,

But even though you aren’t real, you left and now it’s gone,

So I blame it all on you, even the hardened sun.

My voice is buried deep inside, a memory of when I was free

With you and we pranced about, together, real, and not stranded.

I wanted to write an ode to you, before you left me stranded,

About how we were in love, all the promises you handed

Out like they were cookies, and like they were for free

But I thought you’d reserved space in your soul just for me.

I thought no one could ever fill that space, but you flew into the sun,

And left all those promises behind, and burned them to ash: we’re done.

But really I was the one who left you stranded, burning in that sun,

So I know you’re empty handed, but were we ever done?

So go on and be free, but I concede: all of it was really me.