Cross T. Bones did not have a “boring” life, no matter how much his best friend, Skelethan J. Tonnes, otherwise known as Skelly, said. Being a receptionist at the D.O.A. Studios was not a horrible job. At least he wasn’t operating upstairs. Then Cross would understand Skelly’s lamenting. Assuming he survived long enough upstairs. There were too many rules and regulations, and the minute you broke one… well. There was a reason Cross stayed in his comfy job at D.O.A. with minimal pay for 41 hundred years.
He was working the equivalent of a minimum wage job in the overworld, since the backup money his family gave him had run out 41 hundred years ago. 16 souls per hour wasn’t the worst pay though. With 12 hour shifts (now 24 hours, since his co-worker decided to pursue the job upstairs), he’d earn 192 souls per day, and 92 was enough for him to comfortably live with his pet cat, Fluffy, for a day. The rest of the 100 made its way to the savings account.
Cross sighed, as the 3rd skeleton of the day made their way inside. “Um, I was wondering if you ever had a Mary Jane Jones arrive? Or if she’s well.”
“I’ll see. Name?” Cross immediately began typing, one hand sifting through the files of living people, while his other hand began typing on his computer.
“Clavi B. Cle. My friends call me Clav, and my human name was Peter Anthony Jones,” Clavi replied.
“Cause of death?”
“Car crash. I was 45.”
“Tragic,” Cross found the U’s, finding Clavi quickly. Whoever named these newbies needs to get demoted. Pronto. A photo of Mary Jane popped up on the computer screen.
“Well Clavi, it seems that Mary Jane hasn’t passed by yet, and about a year after your death, she married another guy.”
“That can’t be right. She told me she’d wait. I said I’d wait,” Clavi said. His skeleton made sharp, wheezing noises. “I’m sorry, I’ll just-” Clavi dropped 5 souls on the counter, and walked right out of the room, wheezing and clattering.
“Newbies.” Cross snorted, putting the souls in the cash register. The door slammed open yet again.
“Crossie! I sent you a message on the Skele-gram! And Soul-chat! You didn’t even respond to an L-Message! What’s wrong with you?”
Cross hit his head on the desk, groaning. “What do you want, Skelly?”
“I had a great idea–trust me! It’s actually good this time!” Skelly said, indignant.
“Your previous ‘great idea’, had Crani R. Um nearly vaporized. I’m pretty sure she’s still not on speaking terms with any of us.”
“That was because there were too many people! This time, it’s just for you and me. A sabbatical from our life, where we are free to explore the new world! I heard they just renovated the fake islands! Chinampas, right? I wanna go to one!”
“You only want to go to one because Tibi A. Uh talked about it in his speech about how the Aztecs were the superior Mesoamerican society.” Cross replied. “Besides, we all know the best are the Incas.”
“I thought you liked Tibi’s talk?” Skelly asked.
“I liked the part about human sacrifice. And then how Mandy I. Bull jumped up and screamed at Tibi because she was one of the human sacrifices, and the resulting fight.”
Skelly sighed, his bones clattering. His skeleton shook with the air he was taking in, before slamming his hands on the counter.
“Careful. You might lose one of your phalanges, and Fluffy wants her new bone tower. I don’t have enough money to cover both of you,” Cross deadpanned.
“To hell with Fluffy. We are going on this goddamn trip no matter what. We will see the Chinampas and swim in the ocean. We are going on this vacation and that’s final.” Skelly said, staring straight into my eyes. Or eye holes.
“I have a 24 hour shift job. You are supposed to be taking care of Fluffy.”
“We can bring Fluffy along, and besides, Tibi owes me. He can take care of your job, you just gotta tell your boss right now, so we can pack up and leave tomorrow. I won’t leave until you do.” Skelly shrugged, as if asking for leave in the middle of a shift made any sense. “Besides, Crossie, there’s no one here!”
“For now.” Cross said. “For now.”
“Exactly. Tibi’s coming over soon, so call your boss!” Skelly urged.
“Need I remind you the last time you saw my boss, you wet your pants?” Cross raised an eyebrow.
“I’m braver now!” Skelly insisted.
Cross crossed his arms. “That was only a week ago. You stopped being scared of Fluffy after 2 years.”
“Just call him already!”
Cross shrugged. If Skelly wanted to wet his pants, then that was his problem, not Cross’s. He tapped the scythe button on the old typewriter, and in a flash of dark energy, the Grim Reaper came, screaming souls emerging from a pocket. Skelly screamed, landing flat on his tailbone in his presence. Cross only looked at Skelly with an “I told you so” look, before turning back to his lovely boss.
“Hello. Charon,” Cross said. “I would like to request a leave.”
“You're not the one to request leaves. I’m assuming your… friend here coerced you?” Charon said, pointing to Skelly, who whimpered and slowly inched away from Charon nervously, still on his tailbone.
“I remember the last time you requested a leave, you almost burned down the white poplar forest’s national park portion. I recall the Great Lord being… incensed.” Charon pointed out.
“I know, I know. Let’s not talk about it. Skelly wants to go to the beach to see the new Chinampas that were built, and he’s forcing me to come along.” Cross sighed. “Tibi A. Uh’s covering for me.”
“I don’t like Tibi A. Uh. He caused me trouble when he was crossing the river, and upstairs.” Charon said stubbornly.
Cross wanted to kill himself right then and there. “Too bad.”
“Tibi A. Uh caused the vaporization of Bones R. Us.” Charon replied. “I had to work double time, finding the souls and a new replacement.”
“Who?” Cross asked. “I don’t remember a Bones working here.”
“You were the replacement for the downstairs, since they went upstairs.” Charon explained.
“Well, uh, Mr. Charon, sir?” Skelly raised his hand awkwardly. “Tibi’s already here.”
“Yooo, wassup my homies! Skelly, my man it’s so good to see you!” Tibi, sporting a large hat, swept into the room, hugging Skelly in a tight side-hug.
“I hate the guy,” Charon muttered. Cross wanted to die. “Whatever, I guess. You’ve been at this job for like, 41 hundred years, so you deserve breaks now and then. I guess I’ll put up with Tibi.”
“Ayyy, that’s the stuff Charon, my dude! Say, could I possibly treat you to the burrito cart down on 666th street? Like a celebration, man. I’ll cover everything, promise!” Tibi said, jumping over the counter. Charon groaned.
“No, I would not. Cross, could you please teach Tibi the rules-” Charon turned to look at Cross, but Skelly had already grabbed Cross, and made a mad dash for his house. “Are you kidding me?”
“No way, my brother!” Tibi said cheerfully.
Cross sighed, as he hit another rock on the path. Skelly was amazingly fast for his size. He knew, since they had to run past an active volcano near the restricted section of the Minerals National Park. Skelly could also fit into small places, which was the only reason why Cross still had Fluffy all these years.
“Wooo! Freedom!!” Skelly cheered. “Let’s stop by the Walmart down 69th street before we leave!” Skelly yelled, swerving right all of a sudden.
“We’re banned from that Walmart!” Cross yelled, trying for dear life to hold on. He prayed to whatever Underworld god that was on duty that all his bones stayed intact.
“I thought that was the one on Titanic street?!” Skelly yelped.
“We’re banned from both of them after you went shopping cart racing in them! We have to go to the one on Tear Gas Boulevard!” Cross said. “You’re supposed to remember this, not me!”
“Are you serious!” Skelly groaned. Cross couldn’t help but smile. No matter what insane ideas Skelly planned, (he was 95% sure they’d find a way to destroy the chinampas while they were there), he liked the fact that Skelly constantly included him in it. Cross wouldn’t trade his best friend for the world. Or his job.
He was working the equivalent of a minimum wage job in the overworld, since the backup money his family gave him had run out 41 hundred years ago. 16 souls per hour wasn’t the worst pay though. With 12 hour shifts (now 24 hours, since his co-worker decided to pursue the job upstairs), he’d earn 192 souls per day, and 92 was enough for him to comfortably live with his pet cat, Fluffy, for a day. The rest of the 100 made its way to the savings account.
Cross sighed, as the 3rd skeleton of the day made their way inside. “Um, I was wondering if you ever had a Mary Jane Jones arrive? Or if she’s well.”
“I’ll see. Name?” Cross immediately began typing, one hand sifting through the files of living people, while his other hand began typing on his computer.
“Clavi B. Cle. My friends call me Clav, and my human name was Peter Anthony Jones,” Clavi replied.
“Cause of death?”
“Car crash. I was 45.”
“Tragic,” Cross found the U’s, finding Clavi quickly. Whoever named these newbies needs to get demoted. Pronto. A photo of Mary Jane popped up on the computer screen.
“Well Clavi, it seems that Mary Jane hasn’t passed by yet, and about a year after your death, she married another guy.”
“That can’t be right. She told me she’d wait. I said I’d wait,” Clavi said. His skeleton made sharp, wheezing noises. “I’m sorry, I’ll just-” Clavi dropped 5 souls on the counter, and walked right out of the room, wheezing and clattering.
“Newbies.” Cross snorted, putting the souls in the cash register. The door slammed open yet again.
“Crossie! I sent you a message on the Skele-gram! And Soul-chat! You didn’t even respond to an L-Message! What’s wrong with you?”
Cross hit his head on the desk, groaning. “What do you want, Skelly?”
“I had a great idea–trust me! It’s actually good this time!” Skelly said, indignant.
“Your previous ‘great idea’, had Crani R. Um nearly vaporized. I’m pretty sure she’s still not on speaking terms with any of us.”
“That was because there were too many people! This time, it’s just for you and me. A sabbatical from our life, where we are free to explore the new world! I heard they just renovated the fake islands! Chinampas, right? I wanna go to one!”
“You only want to go to one because Tibi A. Uh talked about it in his speech about how the Aztecs were the superior Mesoamerican society.” Cross replied. “Besides, we all know the best are the Incas.”
“I thought you liked Tibi’s talk?” Skelly asked.
“I liked the part about human sacrifice. And then how Mandy I. Bull jumped up and screamed at Tibi because she was one of the human sacrifices, and the resulting fight.”
Skelly sighed, his bones clattering. His skeleton shook with the air he was taking in, before slamming his hands on the counter.
“Careful. You might lose one of your phalanges, and Fluffy wants her new bone tower. I don’t have enough money to cover both of you,” Cross deadpanned.
“To hell with Fluffy. We are going on this goddamn trip no matter what. We will see the Chinampas and swim in the ocean. We are going on this vacation and that’s final.” Skelly said, staring straight into my eyes. Or eye holes.
“I have a 24 hour shift job. You are supposed to be taking care of Fluffy.”
“We can bring Fluffy along, and besides, Tibi owes me. He can take care of your job, you just gotta tell your boss right now, so we can pack up and leave tomorrow. I won’t leave until you do.” Skelly shrugged, as if asking for leave in the middle of a shift made any sense. “Besides, Crossie, there’s no one here!”
“For now.” Cross said. “For now.”
“Exactly. Tibi’s coming over soon, so call your boss!” Skelly urged.
“Need I remind you the last time you saw my boss, you wet your pants?” Cross raised an eyebrow.
“I’m braver now!” Skelly insisted.
Cross crossed his arms. “That was only a week ago. You stopped being scared of Fluffy after 2 years.”
“Just call him already!”
Cross shrugged. If Skelly wanted to wet his pants, then that was his problem, not Cross’s. He tapped the scythe button on the old typewriter, and in a flash of dark energy, the Grim Reaper came, screaming souls emerging from a pocket. Skelly screamed, landing flat on his tailbone in his presence. Cross only looked at Skelly with an “I told you so” look, before turning back to his lovely boss.
“Hello. Charon,” Cross said. “I would like to request a leave.”
“You're not the one to request leaves. I’m assuming your… friend here coerced you?” Charon said, pointing to Skelly, who whimpered and slowly inched away from Charon nervously, still on his tailbone.
“I remember the last time you requested a leave, you almost burned down the white poplar forest’s national park portion. I recall the Great Lord being… incensed.” Charon pointed out.
“I know, I know. Let’s not talk about it. Skelly wants to go to the beach to see the new Chinampas that were built, and he’s forcing me to come along.” Cross sighed. “Tibi A. Uh’s covering for me.”
“I don’t like Tibi A. Uh. He caused me trouble when he was crossing the river, and upstairs.” Charon said stubbornly.
Cross wanted to kill himself right then and there. “Too bad.”
“Tibi A. Uh caused the vaporization of Bones R. Us.” Charon replied. “I had to work double time, finding the souls and a new replacement.”
“Who?” Cross asked. “I don’t remember a Bones working here.”
“You were the replacement for the downstairs, since they went upstairs.” Charon explained.
“Well, uh, Mr. Charon, sir?” Skelly raised his hand awkwardly. “Tibi’s already here.”
“Yooo, wassup my homies! Skelly, my man it’s so good to see you!” Tibi, sporting a large hat, swept into the room, hugging Skelly in a tight side-hug.
“I hate the guy,” Charon muttered. Cross wanted to die. “Whatever, I guess. You’ve been at this job for like, 41 hundred years, so you deserve breaks now and then. I guess I’ll put up with Tibi.”
“Ayyy, that’s the stuff Charon, my dude! Say, could I possibly treat you to the burrito cart down on 666th street? Like a celebration, man. I’ll cover everything, promise!” Tibi said, jumping over the counter. Charon groaned.
“No, I would not. Cross, could you please teach Tibi the rules-” Charon turned to look at Cross, but Skelly had already grabbed Cross, and made a mad dash for his house. “Are you kidding me?”
“No way, my brother!” Tibi said cheerfully.
Cross sighed, as he hit another rock on the path. Skelly was amazingly fast for his size. He knew, since they had to run past an active volcano near the restricted section of the Minerals National Park. Skelly could also fit into small places, which was the only reason why Cross still had Fluffy all these years.
“Wooo! Freedom!!” Skelly cheered. “Let’s stop by the Walmart down 69th street before we leave!” Skelly yelled, swerving right all of a sudden.
“We’re banned from that Walmart!” Cross yelled, trying for dear life to hold on. He prayed to whatever Underworld god that was on duty that all his bones stayed intact.
“I thought that was the one on Titanic street?!” Skelly yelped.
“We’re banned from both of them after you went shopping cart racing in them! We have to go to the one on Tear Gas Boulevard!” Cross said. “You’re supposed to remember this, not me!”
“Are you serious!” Skelly groaned. Cross couldn’t help but smile. No matter what insane ideas Skelly planned, (he was 95% sure they’d find a way to destroy the chinampas while they were there), he liked the fact that Skelly constantly included him in it. Cross wouldn’t trade his best friend for the world. Or his job.
Comments
Log in or register to post comments.