Did I really?

You said

I seemed relaxed.

Not tense,

Like I feel,

Constantly.

Not curled up into a tight little ball

Against the world.

You said 

I seemed loose.

I don't feel loose

But it's good that I was

In your little snow globe room

With sheet music in front of me,

Instrument in hand.

Sort of a safe space

Even though I expose myself

There.

It's funny how

I'm terrified

In any other situation

But if I have my music folder

And my case

I'm all good,

Suddenly.

You said

I connected to the composer.

It nearly brought tears to my eyes.

Did I really?

Did I come closer to it?

I've tried so hard to.

It's hard to show emotion

Through notes on a page.

It's so hard

And I know I need to and

I want to

Feel Bach with me

Behind me

All the way.

Was that what I felt?

How I wasn't worried -

How my fingers just knew the way of

A fairly new piece

And let myself play it

From my heart?

From the hurt and the pain

And the joy and the love?

Is that what I did?

Did I really do it?