Dear Maria,
Have you ever been to the Dominican Republic? I went there when I was just a little kid not long after my friend was hospitalized and my family and I stayed in a hotel with a pool near the ocean. You should have seen the waves! For a little girl like I me, it felt like they were towering hands rising and then burying themselves into the beach. I wonder how I would imagine them today. Probably just as waves, but you know that I’m more creative than that, so maybe it wouldn’t be too far from those big towering hands. I saw a starfish for the first time there as well as a stingray. Have you ever pet a starfish? They’re not as soft as one might imagine, especially someone who has never touched one before, but I bet their underbellies are softer than their backs. I always imagine that they’re laying on their stomachs.
Anyways, if you ever think about going vacationing anywhere, you should definitely go there. You know, I sometimes think about what I saw when my mom and I decided to take a walk around the area. You probably know a lot about poverty and you’ve probably been to a few places that most stuck-ups would consider a “dump,” but have you ever been greeted by it with an offer? You probably have. It’s when someone living in a place like this, a place where most are lucky to get one regular customer, asks you if you’re interested in buying something of theirs because they see that you’re in the middle class and you’re obviously here on vacation. If you can afford a vacation, you can definitely afford to have cornrows done by a hairdresser, so naturally, a nice hairdresser with beautifully braided hair asked me if I wanted mine done.
As a blondie and a seven-year-old, I wasn’t interested because I knew in my mind that it wouldn’t look very good, but it was the way she had asked me that made me wish I was. She wasn’t the only one to make an offer either. Plenty of other young women began crowding around me trying to get some money out of my mom’s wallet and my mom kept asking me if I was interested because she knew that it wouldn’t hurt. For one thing, I hated being crowded and I was actually quite terrified, so I said no to everything and then we turned back to the hotel. Looking back now, I wish I could’ve said yes to at least one thing. I wish I could’ve gotten the cornrows done even if they would’ve looked ugly. Maybe they wouldn’t have turned out that bad either.
It’s just one of those moments where you wish you could relieve someone of their troubles even though they’re out of your hands. My dad told me the story of when he met the janitor of the hotel and talked to him. Rarely anyone ever talks to the janitor of the hotel, especially in such a poor area, but my dad’s one of a kind. He talks to anyone and he’s nice to everyone. He never judges anyone by their ethnicity, gender, job, etc. You kind of remind me of him, actually. You try to be kind to everyone and sympathize with everyone and you always want to help people no matter their appearance. Did you know that there was a social experiment done in a major U.S. city (I think it was New York) where a pregnant Muslim woman went around in a crowded area looking for a place to sit, but there were none, so she asked a few people if she could sit where they were sitting.
Some of them refused their seat to her. In fact, most of them did, but then a couple noticed that she was tired and pregnant and one of them gave up their seat for her. She sat down and thanked them and then they even got her some water. If experiments like that weren’t done, then I think it would be a bit more difficult for people today to understand the situations that others are struggling in.
I think you’re one of those people who can understand a lot of it. You’ve talked to me a few times about how you were an orphan and how you’re not from the U.S. The way you’d address it is much more positive than most people would expect it to be and I can honestly relate to that very much. I talk about my struggles from the past and even the things that I still struggle with now and try to be as positive about it as I can be. I don’t want to let the things that happened to me hurt me any more than they already have and listening to you has encouraged me to do that. To circle back to my vacation from when I was seven, I mentioned that my friend had been hospitalized not long before. I didn’t know that she had been hospitalized until after she passed away and that was the first time I had ever experienced loss and heartbreak.
Years ago, I would’ve spoken about it and burst into tears, but now I don’t feel the need to cry anymore. Do you ever look back on something that really hurt you and thought, ‘I should be crying right now or feeling sad, but I’m not. It was so long ago, so why should I?’ and then you start to realize that maybe it’s because you’re older now and there’s no longer a need. You’ve found some peace and joy and the things that were once crucially painful to you don’t seem to affect you as brutally as they used to. Sure, you might feel a slight sting every now and then thinking about it, much like remembering a time when you were pinched or stung, but it fades within a second and you start to remember how things have changed.
Perhaps now we can tell each other about it and not have to feel that we need to cry.
Dear Maria,
Have you ever been to Warwick, Quebec? You already know that French is my first language since I already told you earlier today, but that’s where some of my family lives. Pretty much all of my family besides my parents and siblings live in Canada, all scattered across the different provinces like stars in a galaxy, but every now and then, we have gatherings where we get to see each other. I don’t even know half of my family. Every time it’s my grandma’s birthday, she can only invite a certain amount of people because of the size of her house. Otherwise, she has to rent out the rink cafeteria, which is a good thing for the kids that want to play knee hockey, but not so much for the elderly who don’t want to sit in metal chairs. I love my grandma. Unlike my mom who only really knew how to yell at me as a kid, my grandmother was much more gentle and never hit me or my sister.
To sum things up so you’re not confused, my mother wasn’t the greatest and there were times when she would do things to me and my sister that weren’t entirely forgivable, but my grandmother knew how to treat us. Growing up, I didn’t appreciate her as much as I do now. Plus, she’s so cute! As you can see, I try to be positive about the things my mother did, much like how you’re so positive about the things that happened in your childhood. My father was much better though even though sometimes my mother would make him do things he didn’t want to as her way of trying to get him to “learn how to discipline” my sister and I. So much for his non-violence policy, but you could tell that he never wanted to.
That’s again where you and my dad sort of cross. Neither of you are very fond of violence and you’d never use it on your future kids. Warwick (more like Quebec in general) was and still is my second home. I want to move there because I feel that the life I have there is beautiful and I never want it to fade away. I also want to keep my french and the pine trees there are so tall! Their mountains are also stunning and even though it’s cold, you get used to it after a while. You told me about how you want to travel the world and I think that it would be amazing if I could take you up to Canada and show you some of the amazing things they have up there. I think you’d really like it and if you’ve already been there, then it would be cool to hear about the things you saw.
It’ll be sad having to leave half of my childhood behind, but who’s to say that it’ll be gone?
Dear Maria,
I like sending you these letters. I feel like I can really talk to you about anything and not have to fear judgement. Have you ever been to Minnesota? My friend lived there with his family a few years back. He’s still there now, he’s just not exactly living. He passed away when I was in the sixth grade and I know he’s buried there, I just could never make it to his funeral. It would’ve been the first one I’ve ever been to. You know, it doesn’t feel all that strange to talk about it anymore. I walked by someone that looks like him today and smiled as well as I could and it felt genuine. I was perplexed when they didn’t at least nod back, but we have some history. It felt good to smile at them though because a month ago, it felt impossible to smile at them ever again or feel happy in a sense.
Do you ever get that feeling that nothing is ever going to be the same again and are you ever afraid of it? There are times when I just want to curl up into a ball and wish these changes away, but they’re inevitable, so why did this terrify my so much? After some time thinking about it, I think it’s because it felt like I just wasn’t over my friend yet and I had had feelings for his practical doppelganger for a while, so having him suddenly leave was like being beaten to a pulp for me, though the next morning was a little easier than the first night. That was my reason for being terrified and you know, I realized that I shouldn’t let something like this ruin what I want in life. If he wasn’t willing to stick by me, then what’s the point in allowing myself to be beaten by the absence? What’s the point in being absent from someone else’s life on purpose if not to improve your own life? Perhaps that’s what he needs. Perhaps my presence wasn’t an improvement and it was about time for a change.
Oh, Maria. I’ve had my heart broken again and again, but this one came to me in a wave. It rose at first, crashed into itself with brutal confusion and anger, but then it began to sort of roll over the smooth waters and it’s now beginning to level out again. If I hadn’t already lost him once, losing my close friend again would’ve been a hurdle I could only trip over and barely succeed in overcoming, but because I’ve been equipped with the emotional capability, it’s only taken me this long to get to where I am. Are you happy for me? I’d be happy for you if it was you, so of course, you must be. I am too. All I want is to be his friend. Is that too much to ask? I want to ask you as a friend seeking an honest opinion, is that wrong?
Can you level out a wave that continuously tries again and again to rise?
Dear Maria,
It’s getting late, but have you ever been to Iceland? I personally haven’t, but I’ve always wanted to visit there just once for a day or two. Though it may sound like the least interesting place to visit on earth, you can lay down at night and see the northern lights. It’s a widespread belief there that there are little people, or ‘elves,’ living in the caves and that if you stop by one of their gaping mouths, you might hear one sing. I don’t believe in such things, but it’s an interesting thought. Do you believe in elves? I’ve only ever seen elves in movies and books, but do you think they could really be out there? I don’t think so, but how could I know? It’s a lot like what the philosopher we studied, Bertrand Arthur William Russell, once said, “I would never die for my beliefs because I may be wrong.”
I’ll never forget that quote because it is exactly how I feel. Do you ever question your beliefs and realize that maybe you were wrong the whole time? I could be wrong that elves don’t exist, so I’m open to the possibility that they just might. I think it would be fantastic if they do and I would love to greet one, but the poor things would be lobotomized. Imagine the experiments! As someone who is very interested in helping others, you might cringe at the thought of it. It’s a disturbing thought, I know, but it’s important to think about it every now and then when we try to imagine what it would be like if the mystical creatures we see and hear about on TV and in books were real. We would find it nearly impossible to understand them without taking a piece of them and breaking it down because that’s how human beings work.
That’s how I work sometimes, but as you may have noticed, I’m also very good at sympathizing with people even if I know nothing about their situation besides how they may feel about it. I can often relate to everyone in some way no matter how different we are and how much I dislike them. You and I both had trouble making friends as kids. You were an orphan, I was a shy French girl with an accent. I started out like that at least, but I’ve bloomed into a more confident and outgoing person. I also don’t have an accent anymore!
You know, you’re not so bad to hang around with. I hope we can hang out more soon!
Dear Maria,
Do you like zombies? Strange question, I know, but if you were a brain-eater, would you want the world to end? It’s something I’ve thought about from time to time. I mean, if you’re going to lose your mind, would you want to lose it alone? I asked my friend a few months back what he would do if he was in a zombie apocalypse and he said he would probably end it right on the spot. I was honestly somewhat shocked by his answer. Why would you end your life just like that? How can you know that the world is ending? I told him that I would try and live as long as I can because even though I may lose family and friends, that doesn’t mean I can’t derive pleasure from certain things. I wouldn’t let surviving become my life because then I wouldn’t really be living.
Are you tired of just surviving? There are times when I feel like all I’m doing is trying to get by and barely pass, but I don’t always feel like I’ve lived my life. I have so many questions I want to ask you like what your favorite kind of food is, what kind of music you like, what your favorite color is, but I also want to ask you, how is it that you’ve become the way you are today? How can you be so kind and funny and whole-hearted despite your past? I realized when I saw you write that note that you weren’t always as kind as I thought, but that was because the person you were writing it for had upset you so much that you couldn’t bring yourself to resist the urge to throw a hurtful word or two. I get that, so don’t overthink it, but you can also dislike people. You whispered to me today and told me that you didn’t like a certain person in the room.
I also don’t like that person, mainly because they had bullied me for years, but I also disagreed with her personality. It’s funny how we can like and dislike similar things and how we’ve proven to both of us that we’re flawed despite trying to be kind. We’re people who’ve had bad things happen to them, but that doesn’t mean that we’re entirely unstable. We still want to level ourselves out much like a wave that's tired of rising and rolling around. I feel as though I can really connect with you in many ways and you’ve proven to me that you’re not the kind of person who would treat me unkindly and even if you did, it wouldn’t be your intent.
If there was a zombie apocalypse, I would bring you along with me.
Your friend,
Gabby
Have you ever been to the Dominican Republic? I went there when I was just a little kid not long after my friend was hospitalized and my family and I stayed in a hotel with a pool near the ocean. You should have seen the waves! For a little girl like I me, it felt like they were towering hands rising and then burying themselves into the beach. I wonder how I would imagine them today. Probably just as waves, but you know that I’m more creative than that, so maybe it wouldn’t be too far from those big towering hands. I saw a starfish for the first time there as well as a stingray. Have you ever pet a starfish? They’re not as soft as one might imagine, especially someone who has never touched one before, but I bet their underbellies are softer than their backs. I always imagine that they’re laying on their stomachs.
Anyways, if you ever think about going vacationing anywhere, you should definitely go there. You know, I sometimes think about what I saw when my mom and I decided to take a walk around the area. You probably know a lot about poverty and you’ve probably been to a few places that most stuck-ups would consider a “dump,” but have you ever been greeted by it with an offer? You probably have. It’s when someone living in a place like this, a place where most are lucky to get one regular customer, asks you if you’re interested in buying something of theirs because they see that you’re in the middle class and you’re obviously here on vacation. If you can afford a vacation, you can definitely afford to have cornrows done by a hairdresser, so naturally, a nice hairdresser with beautifully braided hair asked me if I wanted mine done.
As a blondie and a seven-year-old, I wasn’t interested because I knew in my mind that it wouldn’t look very good, but it was the way she had asked me that made me wish I was. She wasn’t the only one to make an offer either. Plenty of other young women began crowding around me trying to get some money out of my mom’s wallet and my mom kept asking me if I was interested because she knew that it wouldn’t hurt. For one thing, I hated being crowded and I was actually quite terrified, so I said no to everything and then we turned back to the hotel. Looking back now, I wish I could’ve said yes to at least one thing. I wish I could’ve gotten the cornrows done even if they would’ve looked ugly. Maybe they wouldn’t have turned out that bad either.
It’s just one of those moments where you wish you could relieve someone of their troubles even though they’re out of your hands. My dad told me the story of when he met the janitor of the hotel and talked to him. Rarely anyone ever talks to the janitor of the hotel, especially in such a poor area, but my dad’s one of a kind. He talks to anyone and he’s nice to everyone. He never judges anyone by their ethnicity, gender, job, etc. You kind of remind me of him, actually. You try to be kind to everyone and sympathize with everyone and you always want to help people no matter their appearance. Did you know that there was a social experiment done in a major U.S. city (I think it was New York) where a pregnant Muslim woman went around in a crowded area looking for a place to sit, but there were none, so she asked a few people if she could sit where they were sitting.
Some of them refused their seat to her. In fact, most of them did, but then a couple noticed that she was tired and pregnant and one of them gave up their seat for her. She sat down and thanked them and then they even got her some water. If experiments like that weren’t done, then I think it would be a bit more difficult for people today to understand the situations that others are struggling in.
I think you’re one of those people who can understand a lot of it. You’ve talked to me a few times about how you were an orphan and how you’re not from the U.S. The way you’d address it is much more positive than most people would expect it to be and I can honestly relate to that very much. I talk about my struggles from the past and even the things that I still struggle with now and try to be as positive about it as I can be. I don’t want to let the things that happened to me hurt me any more than they already have and listening to you has encouraged me to do that. To circle back to my vacation from when I was seven, I mentioned that my friend had been hospitalized not long before. I didn’t know that she had been hospitalized until after she passed away and that was the first time I had ever experienced loss and heartbreak.
Years ago, I would’ve spoken about it and burst into tears, but now I don’t feel the need to cry anymore. Do you ever look back on something that really hurt you and thought, ‘I should be crying right now or feeling sad, but I’m not. It was so long ago, so why should I?’ and then you start to realize that maybe it’s because you’re older now and there’s no longer a need. You’ve found some peace and joy and the things that were once crucially painful to you don’t seem to affect you as brutally as they used to. Sure, you might feel a slight sting every now and then thinking about it, much like remembering a time when you were pinched or stung, but it fades within a second and you start to remember how things have changed.
Perhaps now we can tell each other about it and not have to feel that we need to cry.
Dear Maria,
Have you ever been to Warwick, Quebec? You already know that French is my first language since I already told you earlier today, but that’s where some of my family lives. Pretty much all of my family besides my parents and siblings live in Canada, all scattered across the different provinces like stars in a galaxy, but every now and then, we have gatherings where we get to see each other. I don’t even know half of my family. Every time it’s my grandma’s birthday, she can only invite a certain amount of people because of the size of her house. Otherwise, she has to rent out the rink cafeteria, which is a good thing for the kids that want to play knee hockey, but not so much for the elderly who don’t want to sit in metal chairs. I love my grandma. Unlike my mom who only really knew how to yell at me as a kid, my grandmother was much more gentle and never hit me or my sister.
To sum things up so you’re not confused, my mother wasn’t the greatest and there were times when she would do things to me and my sister that weren’t entirely forgivable, but my grandmother knew how to treat us. Growing up, I didn’t appreciate her as much as I do now. Plus, she’s so cute! As you can see, I try to be positive about the things my mother did, much like how you’re so positive about the things that happened in your childhood. My father was much better though even though sometimes my mother would make him do things he didn’t want to as her way of trying to get him to “learn how to discipline” my sister and I. So much for his non-violence policy, but you could tell that he never wanted to.
That’s again where you and my dad sort of cross. Neither of you are very fond of violence and you’d never use it on your future kids. Warwick (more like Quebec in general) was and still is my second home. I want to move there because I feel that the life I have there is beautiful and I never want it to fade away. I also want to keep my french and the pine trees there are so tall! Their mountains are also stunning and even though it’s cold, you get used to it after a while. You told me about how you want to travel the world and I think that it would be amazing if I could take you up to Canada and show you some of the amazing things they have up there. I think you’d really like it and if you’ve already been there, then it would be cool to hear about the things you saw.
It’ll be sad having to leave half of my childhood behind, but who’s to say that it’ll be gone?
Dear Maria,
I like sending you these letters. I feel like I can really talk to you about anything and not have to fear judgement. Have you ever been to Minnesota? My friend lived there with his family a few years back. He’s still there now, he’s just not exactly living. He passed away when I was in the sixth grade and I know he’s buried there, I just could never make it to his funeral. It would’ve been the first one I’ve ever been to. You know, it doesn’t feel all that strange to talk about it anymore. I walked by someone that looks like him today and smiled as well as I could and it felt genuine. I was perplexed when they didn’t at least nod back, but we have some history. It felt good to smile at them though because a month ago, it felt impossible to smile at them ever again or feel happy in a sense.
Do you ever get that feeling that nothing is ever going to be the same again and are you ever afraid of it? There are times when I just want to curl up into a ball and wish these changes away, but they’re inevitable, so why did this terrify my so much? After some time thinking about it, I think it’s because it felt like I just wasn’t over my friend yet and I had had feelings for his practical doppelganger for a while, so having him suddenly leave was like being beaten to a pulp for me, though the next morning was a little easier than the first night. That was my reason for being terrified and you know, I realized that I shouldn’t let something like this ruin what I want in life. If he wasn’t willing to stick by me, then what’s the point in allowing myself to be beaten by the absence? What’s the point in being absent from someone else’s life on purpose if not to improve your own life? Perhaps that’s what he needs. Perhaps my presence wasn’t an improvement and it was about time for a change.
Oh, Maria. I’ve had my heart broken again and again, but this one came to me in a wave. It rose at first, crashed into itself with brutal confusion and anger, but then it began to sort of roll over the smooth waters and it’s now beginning to level out again. If I hadn’t already lost him once, losing my close friend again would’ve been a hurdle I could only trip over and barely succeed in overcoming, but because I’ve been equipped with the emotional capability, it’s only taken me this long to get to where I am. Are you happy for me? I’d be happy for you if it was you, so of course, you must be. I am too. All I want is to be his friend. Is that too much to ask? I want to ask you as a friend seeking an honest opinion, is that wrong?
Can you level out a wave that continuously tries again and again to rise?
Dear Maria,
It’s getting late, but have you ever been to Iceland? I personally haven’t, but I’ve always wanted to visit there just once for a day or two. Though it may sound like the least interesting place to visit on earth, you can lay down at night and see the northern lights. It’s a widespread belief there that there are little people, or ‘elves,’ living in the caves and that if you stop by one of their gaping mouths, you might hear one sing. I don’t believe in such things, but it’s an interesting thought. Do you believe in elves? I’ve only ever seen elves in movies and books, but do you think they could really be out there? I don’t think so, but how could I know? It’s a lot like what the philosopher we studied, Bertrand Arthur William Russell, once said, “I would never die for my beliefs because I may be wrong.”
I’ll never forget that quote because it is exactly how I feel. Do you ever question your beliefs and realize that maybe you were wrong the whole time? I could be wrong that elves don’t exist, so I’m open to the possibility that they just might. I think it would be fantastic if they do and I would love to greet one, but the poor things would be lobotomized. Imagine the experiments! As someone who is very interested in helping others, you might cringe at the thought of it. It’s a disturbing thought, I know, but it’s important to think about it every now and then when we try to imagine what it would be like if the mystical creatures we see and hear about on TV and in books were real. We would find it nearly impossible to understand them without taking a piece of them and breaking it down because that’s how human beings work.
That’s how I work sometimes, but as you may have noticed, I’m also very good at sympathizing with people even if I know nothing about their situation besides how they may feel about it. I can often relate to everyone in some way no matter how different we are and how much I dislike them. You and I both had trouble making friends as kids. You were an orphan, I was a shy French girl with an accent. I started out like that at least, but I’ve bloomed into a more confident and outgoing person. I also don’t have an accent anymore!
You know, you’re not so bad to hang around with. I hope we can hang out more soon!
Dear Maria,
Do you like zombies? Strange question, I know, but if you were a brain-eater, would you want the world to end? It’s something I’ve thought about from time to time. I mean, if you’re going to lose your mind, would you want to lose it alone? I asked my friend a few months back what he would do if he was in a zombie apocalypse and he said he would probably end it right on the spot. I was honestly somewhat shocked by his answer. Why would you end your life just like that? How can you know that the world is ending? I told him that I would try and live as long as I can because even though I may lose family and friends, that doesn’t mean I can’t derive pleasure from certain things. I wouldn’t let surviving become my life because then I wouldn’t really be living.
Are you tired of just surviving? There are times when I feel like all I’m doing is trying to get by and barely pass, but I don’t always feel like I’ve lived my life. I have so many questions I want to ask you like what your favorite kind of food is, what kind of music you like, what your favorite color is, but I also want to ask you, how is it that you’ve become the way you are today? How can you be so kind and funny and whole-hearted despite your past? I realized when I saw you write that note that you weren’t always as kind as I thought, but that was because the person you were writing it for had upset you so much that you couldn’t bring yourself to resist the urge to throw a hurtful word or two. I get that, so don’t overthink it, but you can also dislike people. You whispered to me today and told me that you didn’t like a certain person in the room.
I also don’t like that person, mainly because they had bullied me for years, but I also disagreed with her personality. It’s funny how we can like and dislike similar things and how we’ve proven to both of us that we’re flawed despite trying to be kind. We’re people who’ve had bad things happen to them, but that doesn’t mean that we’re entirely unstable. We still want to level ourselves out much like a wave that's tired of rising and rolling around. I feel as though I can really connect with you in many ways and you’ve proven to me that you’re not the kind of person who would treat me unkindly and even if you did, it wouldn’t be your intent.
If there was a zombie apocalypse, I would bring you along with me.
Your friend,
Gabby
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