DON'T CARE

i sit at my "desk"
a sign saying "google meet class in progress" hangs from my doornob
my heart beats fast as the backround music in my head comes to the chorus
i stare at my computer sceen
my friends and teacher looking up at me
the tears have come
but i leave my camera on
i don't care
i'm crying cause i want to be with them and not letting them see me is certainly not gonna help
at this point i'm shaking vilantly 
my class has begun to notice
i hear distant "are you ok?"s and "i understand..."s coming from my laptop
but i don't care
i want it too much
to be in that classroom
share those moments of laughter and silliness
the song ends
i blow my nose
"it's gonna be ok", they tell me
do i believe them, well, i'm not sure
but i want to
and so i let myself
because eventually
it will
and there's still a part of me that doesn't care
because i know that even though i haven't seen them
my friendships have grown so much stronger over this time
and i don't care about the rough patches
we're still who we once were