Eighty-three

Eighty-three

out of

one hundred

and ten.

One hundred 

and four

out of one hundred

and ten.

We contrast starkly

I look like a beginner on paper

and he cleans up nicely

well enough to look

seem 

like an expert. 

A pro.

Remarkable.

Standing in your shadow

we're the same age

but you cast bigger ripples

you drop a rock into a pond and it floats

I do the same and it sinks.

How do I measure up to that?

I'll know you for four years but this is not about

friendship

what right do I have to pursue this when I'm

so

unprepared

behind

in the lesser orchestra

you're playing with seniors

as a thirteen-year-old

am I stupid

or are you insane?

You're missing those 

six 

points

guess what I'm missing?

Twenty-

seven of them.

What prevents you from being perfect?

Go on

make me watch

I'll cheer for you when you enter the stage

but I'm thinking about

I gotta clean up

shake this

hussle

make this tangled pile of paper ink and dreams work for me

shape it around my outline

before you get the solo

before I chicken out.