Empty

We clapped.

We celebrated.

We read off paper plates of all the good qualities.

We ate bagels.

We had streamers.

We spent two hours setting up beforehand.

We had a mini parade and my body was numb.

We signed yearbooks.

I did not cry but I felt like it.

I hugged my friends.

I hugged you.

We spun and he said it was a twirl but it was a spinny and that's that.

I grabbed your hand and wouldn't let go 

And dragged you with me everywhere

Not caring if anyone saw

I don't care if anyone saw

I couldn't

I wouldn't

No.

We signed yearbooks of our friends.

My signature was terrible.

You had to use your left hand with me occupying your other

And the result was sort of legible.

They gave the dismissal

And we walked you out

And you all left

Barely in tears

Streamers and balloons left behind

Like the most heartbreaking party in existence.

I hugged my friends

I hugged my teachers

I tried to smile

I tried to cry to get it out

I couldn't.

I was

Numb to the world.

My rock

Is floating downstream.

You were my rock.

This entire year.

What am I supposed to do now?

We all goofed off.

Our teachers didn't care.

We went out to recess early

Joked around

Ate seconds of pizza

It wasn't the same.

It never will be.

The room is empty.

The team is empty.

Everyone wanders around with nothing to do.

It's not that I don't care -

I care so much.

I care too much.

It's empty.

It's all empty and it's gone and I knew it would happen,

I knew it.

I knew.

I knew all along where this was going.

But letting go of you?

To be by myself in a place I never felt like I belonged in

In the place you welcomed me to

In the place we shared this year

Where you showed me who I am?

I can't do it.

My heart is empty.

My brain is empty.

I know I am gone and we still have to come back tomorrow.

The team is empty.

I am empty.

Empty

Empty

Empty.