Falling in love

The first thing I ever understood about falling in love

is that it keeps you coming back

like magnets

whether it's good for you or bad for you

you're addicted.

And I didn't know the scope of it -

I didn't know the range

I think I had feelings for my best friend that kept me obsessed and delusional

they're gone now of course.

So you can fall in love

and you can fall out of it?

So the better question is, why do people try to fall out of love?

Especially if it's reciprocated?

I don't have the full answer but I can guess.

You're scared because what you're feeling is stronger than anything you've felt before.

You're anxious because you don't like being so dependent on another human being.

You're nervous they're going to let you down.

You want to be the strong one so you can't get hurt.

People throw themselves out there again and again for the people they love but only a few are in love in a lifetime.

The difference between love and in love?

I guess loving someone is supporting them

wanting them to be happy

trying to make them happy

the core of love is happiness.

Being in love with someone is needing them as you need yourself -

it's wearing your heart on your sleeve

no matter how fragile

it's writing in your notebook So I just met this person and I'm cooked

it's what stems at a crush and what grows into a fire.

It's knowing from the beginning and knowing from that moment that they're going to mean everything pretty soon

it's knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt.

I've always thought the phrase "when you know you know" is stupid because it doesn't make sense

what if you think you know but you don't?

What if you delude yourself

convince yourself

and hurt any chance at friendship?

Go slow

go fast

but slow burns hurt and fade off

and fast paces rush things and incinerate.

So how do you fall in love?

Is it trusting someone?

Making someone laugh?

Happiness?

I guess it's different for everyone but universally

you have to wait

you have to be patient.

I've never been patient

and I found a way this time.

Sometimes you don't know

or you think you don't.

Believe in your dreams and know what you deserve -

never settle.