field of thoughts

far away from my friends as they speak,

i never liked feeling alone. 

i never liked feeling left out.

but here i am, 

whenever i speak,

my words don't even go into one ear of any of my friends,

and i'm left alone,

in a field of my thoughts. 

in this field i sit down,

run my hands through the grass,

and smell the sweet sensation of the tulips around me.

the wind blows my hair up and around,

and i breathe it in deeply.

i imagine everything i love,

all the smells,

the people,

and feels.

the tastes,

the sights,

and the animals.

everything that makes me warm. 

i first think of the warmth,

the warmth when someone is next to me while i sleep,

their breathing in sync with mine,

and their heartbeat warming up the cold darkness.

i then think of my cats,

my mom telling me i could sleep with them on a weekday,

or when they cuddle up to me while i weep. 

the last thing i think about is the rain at night, and the cold sunset in the morning,

where i pause my soft music and lay there,

listening to the pitter pattering of the rain,

and when i awake,

the sunset seems cold and dreary,

but the light is still bright,

orange, red, and yellow swirls of light of an upcoming day. 

i think of everything that makes me warm,

and i am far away from my group. 

the group that seems no longer mine,

and i enjoy my time in the field,

i lay down and look at the sky,

i sing and dance,

and i feel no longer alone. 

because i'm in the field of thoughts,

the thoughts of things that make me warm.