First kiss

You cared;

I tried to.

You did;

I thought I did.

I wanted so badly

to be a character in my books

and to feel longing

to feel needing

to feel love and to

be loved

to love.

I was eleven

he was the leader

I was unsure.

I was scared.

You knew what you were doing

or at least I thought you did;

I didn't.

I wanted to,

but I didn't.

Anywhere we could sneak away.

The moment I forget about was at a party outdoors

friends off somewhere

I remember standing there

standing in front of him

not knowing what to do

I was never attracted

I was never the initiator

I was never in love.

He was

he was 

he was.

I didn't know

what to do

I didn't think

I really wanted to

I was curious?

I was curious

as children are.

He said not yet.

He couldn't face me like that

couldn't kiss me like that

when I was so obviously uncertain.

So farmers market over the summer

whatever

at least it solved the mystery in my head.

It was not

anything special

neither of us revered it

I can't call it a waste though

I can't call it a waste

because his heart was so full

and mine didn't know how to be.