Fitting In

Dinner is silent again,

My dad was fired,

And my mom’s tired from working late again,

And I’m trying not to be sick from it all.
 

My sister’s talking about poverty

And how educators get the scraps,

And I’m trying not to think about it:

How my dreams just can’t pan out like I imagined.
 

My ears are red and there’s sweat beading under my fingers,

I push my food off my plate

And set my fork down,

Maybe I can drown out the silence with the sounds.
 

I hear them laughing downstairs now,

And I wonder if I’m the bane of this family;

The wrench in the gears and the tear in the fabric

My parents spend years sewing together.

Saved you from getting in trouble again

Without even speaking a word,

But I know next time I mess up,

They’ll catch me, again.

This community doesn’t feel like home,

Even when I’m rejected elsewhere, this is where I’m always supposed to go,

But I can’t because it just screams in my face

To leave and find my community some other place.
 

I can’t pay the bills with a summer job,

But I shouldn’t be so reckless, and irresponsible,

Spending money like I can drink it from the tap,

And you’re the damn bank.

But I cash in my bets,

Because I’ll always be second best

Fighting for a place in this family,

Even when no one wants me.