Forbidden Jealousy

I want to be them.

Those girls, with their perfect hair

Perfect faces

Perfect bodies.

Shining stars

Of perfection

Not a blemish to be seen on their faces

Not a single person who would dare get in their way.

Lots of friends

Who back each other up,

Who don't worry about what if they get the answer wrong

Because they could laugh it off.

I want what they have

That unseen Thing

Where they're the boss

The alpha

The winners and leaders.

They may be jerks

But everyone loves them

And I want to be loved, too.

I'm jealous of them

But I shouldn't be.

I want their confidence.

I don't want their personality, which is all the same

And I wouldn't trade my flute or my words for anything

But I wish I had that hair, that face

That irresistible "beauty"

That perfection.

And I know they're mean

And I know they're bad

And I know they're all wrong.

But I'm so tired of fighting everyone

Who takes the fact that I don't wear makeup as some sort of a sin

Who thinks that I'm not "good" enough or "pretty" enough or "girly" enough

I'm tired of fighting my grade

And people beyond it.

Why can't they accept

That these girls, the girls they see

The girls they love

Aren't real?

90% of them is makeup and online filters.

9% is who their friends want them to be, they embody.

And 1% is actually them.

I'm 100% me and I won't apologize for it

But I'm still jealous

Still angry

Still wishing society would change

Because this beauty is fake

And I don't want to live in a world where people who aren't classically

Freshly-Styled-Hair

Just-Did-My-Makeup

Manicured-Nails

Pretty

Are disliked.

Are looked down on.

Are frowned at like something's wrong with them.

Everyone is beautiful

And I hate middle school because 

Middle schoolers don't understand that.

Inspired by @star's incredible "One of Those Girls" poem. Thank you for the inspiration!